Yesterday I spoke to one of my closest friends, on the fact that one of her best friends does not contact her anymore.
For the last 15 years they’ve been really close.
So the question she asked me is: why would you throw 15 years of shared love, adventures, tears and joy away?
Coincidentally I had one of my former girlfriends starting a group app the same day. The friendship kind of diluted, but I was more than fine with it. I did not longer have to hear the stories of her four kids, once she found a chance to escape her – to me – uninteresting life. We did not share the same friends, surroundings or experiences anymore.
But she wanted us to get together again. I am kind of in the process of letting go of things that don’t gratify me anymore. And I try to deal with this stuff on full conscience.
So I told her that it was important to have time for myself right now. And that I didn’t want to plan so far ahead. Also on the advice of a psychiatrist. So yes, I sort of made up an excuse to make my remark more powerful ;)
This was really hard for me to ACTUALLY say instead of only thinking it, afraid to be disliked or to hurt someone’s feelings. Up until now I did not get a reaction. But this is fine by me. Practicing these things makes them eventually perfect, and in my head I already said goodbye to her.
But on the other hand, there are also friends I am still seeing today, pure out of some form of decency. For me there is no satisfaction in the contact or whatsoever. But apparently they still want to put effort in our contact. While it only costs me a lot of energy, time to travel there and effort to act interested. When you don’t see people very often, the conversations don’t get deeper. It is all bla bla. And at this point in life, I am so done with that. And I also don’t get it why the other person in question is happy with putting time in this superficial attachment.
I have too many ‘f(r)iendships’ that I see this way and this is something I really want to take distance from. My time becomes more scarce and what I more and more like to do is spend time with me, myself and the people I really feel a deeper connection with. To explore what I really want in life, instead of talking about things that really do not interest me a slight bit. Life is just too short.
But back to my close friend, who felt hurt that her friend does not contact her anymore. I explained to her that it probably is not personal, but that people sometimes just want to spend more time on their selves.
She did not look at it this way yet and was surprised I was ‘on the other side’ in this situation. But though the explaining is very easy to do: I still have to make plans to fulfill my own goals on this matter.
So far my conception on this subject. Feel free to share some tips or some experiences. Thank you!! (: