I will not slip back into your world of confusion
when I have my own chaos to handle. You helped create that storm of misery
that swept me to the deepest, darkest places of my very being.
I loved you and it almost cost me my sanity. Today your unexpected contact left me with anxiety and dispair. Old feelings of abandonment crept back in mingled with depression. Feelings that you left like a trail of black rose petals down a corridor of broken promises, lies and deceit.
Anger began to rise to a crescendo as I stared at the screen in my hands, baffled by the boldness of your attempt to pacify me with your words as you've done so many times before. Curiosity piqued my interest as memories flooded through as I contemplated for what felt like an eternity before answering. I was so tempted to ask all of the WHY questions that have been plaguing my heart and soul,
threatening to undo the slither of acceptance of rejection that I've worked so hard to gain within this empty shell of myself that lives without living since your abrupt departure.
I wanted to scream at you, belittle you and deny your existence. I wanted to leave you with the same melancholy that lingers like a shadow in the background of my mind haunting me night and day. You're so familiar to me, but you've morphed into a stranger on the other end as time slowly corrodes the facade of the person you pretended to be.
To even have allowed myself to weaken just a little to reply to you, left cracks in the fortress that is slowly becoming my heart. I let you in and you planted your seed, injected your poison, and the vines have grown thick and tangled guarding the precious thing that you left so carelessly behind as you walked out. Now a prisoner confined to my emotions, I stare at my screen and see not a lover, but an enemy. You can stand at the gates, but never shall I let you in again....
LunarNoire
