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Hi Steemians,
A few years back I took a class called "Family Relations". In this class we talked about various theories of love. One theory in particular stood out. John Lee, a Canadian sociologist, developed a theory of love that was widely cited and studied. According to him there are 6 basic styles of loving. These are Eros, Ludus, Storge, Agape, Pragma and Mania. Today, I will use my book to describe these 6 types of love. My question to you is "How do you love?".
1)
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Eros (the root of the word erotic) means love of beauty. This is what we call "love at first sight". This is the kind of love we all romanticize in novels. This is when you get those intense emotions of desire. The classic example is that of Romeo and Juliet. In this type of love you wish to know everything about your partner (e.g. what they dreamt, what happened at work etc). Overall, they like to be as identified with each other as possible. An example of this would be wearing matching T shirts. Although this type of love is usually short lived it can develop into companionate love (#3).
2)
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Ludus, as my book says, is carefree and casual love that is "fun" and "games". Ludic lovers are not possessive or jealous. This may be to the point that often times they might even have multiple partners. For the most part, they don't want their lovers to become dependent on them. Moreover, they are typically self-centered in their sexual encounters, have sex for fun (not emotional rapport) and avoid commitment. They might see commitment as being "scary".
3)
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Storge (pronounced "Stor-gay") is a slow burning, peaceful and affectionate love that comes with the passing of time. This also comes from the enjoyment of sharing activities. These types of relationships don't go through ecstatic highs and lows that characterize other types of love. For social scientists, this type of love is also called Companionate Love. Feelings of togetherness, tenderness, deep affection and support characterize it. The goals of lovers of this type are usually marriage, home and children. Due to this, sex might come later than in erotic, manic and ludic love. Furthermore, if a separation occurs between storgic lovers, they may remain good friends. Overall, in this type of love, affection develops throughout the years.
4)
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According to my book the classic Christian type of love is agape (pronounced "Ah-gay-pay"). This is an altruistic, self sacrificing love that is directed towards humankind. In this type of love one is not jealous nor demanding. Instead, one is always kind and patient and does not seek reciprocity. However, this can border on masochism because an agape lover might wait indefinitely for their partner to be released from prison. They might even tolerate drug-addicted spouses and infidelity.
5)
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Pragma is a rational love in which the love is based on practical consideration such as compatibility. It's described as "love with a shopping list". A pragmatic person seeks compatibility on characteristics such as backgrounds, education, religious views, interests etc. If their current partner does not work out, they can quite rationally move on to the next. Nonetheless, when in a relationship, this type of lover looks out for their significant other. For example, they might encourage them to go for that promotion at work or even motivate them to finish college. However, if it comes to a divorce, they are quite sensible about it. For example, they might stay with their partner until their child finishes high school or until they both find better jobs.
6) MANIA (Obsessive Love)
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Mania is characterized by obsessiveness, jealousy, possessiveness, and intense dependency. This may be expressed as anxiety, sleeplessness, loss of appetite and headaches. This can happen especially if they have real or imagined rejection by their partner. Additionally, manic lovers need constant attention and affection and often have a low self-esteem. They are also consumed by thoughts of their significant other.
A little review:
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Thanks for Reading! If you enjoyed it remember to upvote 😃 👍
References:
Benokraitis, N. (2011). Marriages & families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.