When you stare in the mirror, what do You see? Some people would admire their reflection, some would think about their flaws, some wouldn't think at all. What's there to admire or belittle? It's just a face. Everybody has a face. It's just a distinctive feature. It's unique. You would probably say "That's who I am, other people recognize me that way." You are right, that's obviously true. It is a rational and objective thought.So, why do we have the urge to look - alike? Why do we want to fit into some beauty ideals? There's a simple answer. We want to fit in, we want to be accepted, we want to feel adequate, we ultimately want to be loved.
This introduction seems to be misleading. I don't want to talk about body features and how "We are beautiful just the way we are." It is kind of ironical. It's a slogan. It's a marketing trick. "There is something for everybody, just buy it."
I'm interested in the inner - world and how people perceive themselves - on the inside. I'm interested in people's feelings and thoughts. The self-admirers, the ones who practice harsh self -criticism and those who find thinking about their emotions the worst task imaginable. None of the personality types (or behaviors) I mentioned are authentic.
Modesty is not a virtue nowadays, it seems, vulnerability is a sign of weakness, not having much money makes you incompetent. The more you have, the better and adequate person you are. You live on "highs", not real feelings. And when "highs" disappear, you feel...well, down. Until you get another "high". Down, high, down, high...Down. Down. Low....Oops! Excessive self - criticism comes into play. Or blaming all around you. All you are left with is yourself and your inner - world. That's the alpha and omega, beginning and the end of every human's existence in the outer world.
Remember when you were five, six, seven years old. What did you want? To play, to feel joy, to share. You said what you thought, you expressed your individuality, you knew exactly what you liked or didn't like. You were authentic. You didn't think about the potentially "uncontrolled" future, essential education, complicated human relationships and weight of the world. Everything was so effortless, you felt protected and being taken care of.
And as we grow old, we begin to loose ourselves, by doing things we are expected to. We do it because we don't want to loose the protection and we want to please the ones we love. But, we aren't aware of the "big" fact. Those who brought us to this world are human, too. If they are authentic, we will be, too. If they are not, we won't be, too. It's just a natural consequence. Our roots and early environment is the first step to our potentially fulfilled life. Or our mental struggles. We build coping mechanisms from an early age which determine us years later. That's how excessive self - admiration or excessive self - criticism comes into our lives.
We feel the pressure to conform, to fit in, to feel adequate and worthy, to please. The catch is: when we think others are pleased and proud of us, we feel happy. And that's great if the feeling comes from our own choices and we get support from those around us; but if those choices aren't ours, we get conflicted. Again, the same story - highs and downs, highs and lows, no matter what imaginary world we live in and represent on the surface - superior or inferior. Because, both are the same. Both are the expression of our deep feeling of our self- worth which is "I am not good enough, I am not worthy enough, so I have to find a way to represent myself in a suitable way to ease my pain". If a person has narcissistic tendency, he/she will blame others, if the person is "people pleaser", he/she will blame himself/herself.
Now you see the distortion of that authentic personality from 40, 30, 20 years ago. Our soul silently cries for a "reset button", but the main question is: "Are we aware of that?" And how to do it, if we are aware, is it possible?
It is! If you acknowledge something, you can do something about it. It's plain logic, but it's not easy. It takes a lot of courage to face the reality just the way it is and start doing things and make choices the way you like it, not giving any importance to what everybody else think. You don't have to please, you have the right to say "No", you have the right to defend yourself. Your only obligation is to please yourself without hurting anybody else in the process. If you get abandoned for who you are, great! At least you'll know the truth. But, I'm sure, your worth will be recognized and you will be loved, just the way you are!