Yes, it's true, I'm going back. I've hit a brick wall with my ability to keep going. My health is failing, my mental health is failing. I need to find stability. I've stopped making money so consistently on the streets since Copenhagen and this firey energy I once had that drove me through the years is now largely gone. I cannot go back to living on the streets or living in squats.
On the streets is a state of powerlessness. I want to achieve so much more than just write a blog read by half a dozen people and make occasional b-grade tracks which get put on the all consuming organism called soundcloud.
I will never stop my music. But I need to find a way to be stable. I need to find a way with the opportunities I was born with to gain a footing in society so I can really change things; standing up for the rights of the homeless and the refugees. There are so many parts of myself I need to give rights to. All these experiences I have gained through my life, I cannot ignore them. They have given me a great responsibility.
I cannot give these experiences the value they deserve by continuing to live as I am.
It feels like a repeat of last time I did this about 13 months ago. I really did think I could go again and just keep going. I'm only 34 now but I'm getting old. My mental and physical energies aren't so elastic. I'm finding myself facing a deeper despondency than I've ever faced before in my life if I keep going.
Something has to change, I cannot go on living like this. I must live a life that gives respect for all of my experiences; and respect for myself.
Thanks for coming with me on this journey. I will continue to blog and do music updates and podcasts and projects. Just I will find stability and do it from a place of security, because it is within my power to give myself that security.
Pray I can find a form of stability and a place in society that I will be satisfied with that gives respect to all of my experiences.
I'll be back in Fremantle on the 22nd of February.
Monty x