I visited my daughter yesterday. I haven’t seen her in over a month… she was all smiles… she couldn’t wait to share her stories, a dance, and hugs… but the moment we were alone the shining face fell and I saw her true colors. She cried and pleaded…where have you been, are you ok, why can’t I come home with you? I saw in that moment she is truly my child… being taught how to put on face for the world, hide your tears, make it appear as if you and the world is at peace… my heart breaks knowing the damage this can do…and has done in my own life.
We’ve had major family issues and disagreements over this situation and I have had a difficult time coping. I had my roughest month in the last two years this past one… historically December’s are hard for me…I go inward and when I sit there too long the shadow get’s overpowering. Being told I couldn’t co-parent my child again this year was such a blow that it wasn’t hard to sink into despair during the tough times… I went low enough to have to smack myself back into the present. I am back on stable ground but my heart is still heavy.
Two big principles I’ve had to really learn and apply to my life this year are acceptance and danger of attachments. We cannot control how people are going to act regardless of our intention and our behavior. Even the most heartfelt apology doesn’t give you a pass for some.. they hold their anger their unique way. In many cases it keeps them safe from the rest of the world. That is where acceptance comes in… Sometimes it takes realizing things may not change to know you need to focus on what you CAN do.. what is in your own power and that mostly means within your own life… that is sometimes the only ground to stand on. So we learn to stand, and eventually walk towards a goal that doesn’t rely on expectations of others to get to the destination. I’m saying “Be the light you want to see in the world”… that’s what I am trying to do… shine my light, and be a beacon when I can… I know I too require light in my life… I got a a boost from my daughter yesterday, but I can’t rely on that right now… I need to find willing and able spirits that desire to share their love with me. I cannot force what I cannot control… I will only make it harder for all. I told my baby girl that I am always with her… and I will never leave her, that everything is temporary and we have our whole lives to make it better… and I plan to keep that promise.
When it feels like choices are slim, I look down on my wrist and I see the tattoo “Todo Pasa” I got to remind me of the strange old Mexican man that stopped me on a chilly rainy night in the middle of the dirty street in Mexico when I had on one flip-flop and I was crying like the world was going to end…. he just grabbed me by the hand and squeezed it… saying “todo pasa, todo pasa…” and he disappeared as quick as he came… but it had sent a jolt of hope into me.. I knew very little Spanish but I knew that meant “this will pass, all things pass” and I was reminded that this crazy existence is just a series of experiences that are there to teach us one thing or another… or a myriad of them… point is, there is a purpose and if you can find it, you can find a way through it… the spiral on my other wrist reminds me that it will continue to resurface in one form or another till you learn what you are destined to know… that is Universe Talk…
Meditation, self readings, and Kundalini yoga have given me massive doses of insight in this arena. I feel empowered by my own ability to find answers within myself, but it has taken a lot to get there… I am grateful for the rough patches because damn, that is how you learn about yourself and others. I love that today I am a “Light Seeker” and I don’t hide in my shadow for too long… Knowing I have a purpose has had a lot to do with that. I try to express that to others because I know how easy it is to feel lost. I spent years not knowing where I belonged or who I was but I always knew the was more to me… I see that in others and I desire to help them find their What, Who, and Why.. We are all here to make magic…and it starts inside. It is important to find out what makes you shine, so you can share the light with others and in turn, receive light back… the more we share, the more what is inside us grows… this I know. You don’t need to be afraid of losing what you have, the sharing gifts without expectations is a true way to keep them.
In the spirit of what I am saying, I am trying to get to the Jungle of Costa Rica to a healing community here soon. I’m expected there Jan 10th but I am a bit behind in purchasing a plane tix and get my supplies and finances together to make the trip. I am headed there to work on the underbelly of my emotions and family crisis. I am also going there to be with like-minded individuals that can share their light with me. Fueling station maybe? lol No expectations, but my intuition tells me it will be plentiful. I plan to share these experiences with you and anyone else interested in my journey. I will be writing and podcasting Details are being worked out currently and I plan to have it all set-up before I depart. If anyone has an interest in helping me with any support in this please don’t hesitate to private message me. I need all the help I can get right now. Thank-you for listening, and if this applies to your life in any way, know you are not alone and you are a Warrior any moment you decide to humble yourself and choose the Light.
Namaste 🙏 my friends, Leah (Ketu-my jungle name) 🌴✨❤️