A new kid in town
I fucking hate my car, it is fast, it is expensive, it is a no fear mofo looking bitch.
So what?
I got it to be able to drive fucking fast and not worry about the consequences, and it is not that I worry a lot, it is just that what I had in mind was to have a fast powerful toy to defi destiny.
But with all the speed limitations, radars, cops in the roads, there is no actual way to enjoy it.
It is funny, as I am also unable to enjoy normal life shit.
Going out with I girl I like it is a nightmare for me.
It is a constant struggle between not scaring her and being able to be myself a little...
Rhyme of the ancient Mariner
Not that I am actually something to be scared off, but I have trouble handling this boring social correctness layer.
If I feel happy I should be able to let you know, if I feel sad and want to share it with someone is a fucking honor I am bestowing in you.
Angels
All shit is complicated for me. I just want to enjoy my ride, enjoy my girl and be fucking happy.
I just want to drive my car at the top of its power, the same I just want a girl that is special and be able to be myself without scaring her.
Fuck I can't do neither... I have to show restraint and be a normal idiot.
Why the fuck if I can drive as fast as 240 km/h safely in my car, I have to limit myself to 130km/h?
The same happens with relationships.
I drive fast, I live fast, I want to die Young.
Yet I have to go at the speed of the sheep...
It is so fucking frustrating to have to work at the speed of the normal beings.
I am tired, I want to rock!
I want to rock
I don't know if I manage to adequately express what I mean.
In example, meet girl, magic happens, connections are created. Sharing and complicity is enabled...
Then it starts a fucking dance not to move to fast, not to dream or share those dreams because maybe they are too much or only expected after a few years of relationship...
What the hell?
Why can't one just seize the moment... You feel like having champagne in a hot air balloon with someone is special to you at this time. You have the means to do it...
Why one has to wait to propose or do that?
What's the point of showing restraint?
In my experience, living fast things fade quicker, but are much more intense, much more powerful, meaningful...
If I can't take you in the hot air balloon today, probably tomorrow I will have lost interest and we both will have missed something that otherwise would have been special to both, we both would have enjoyed and will treasure the memory.
I have a particular way of enjoying life, if things are too easy they don't matter to me. If they are difficult I love fiddling to make them happen.
I don't mind driving 800 km to meet someone, because each person in the world if our paths cross somehow is because we have something to live, to share, to learn.
But having to tread lightly just because social conventions dictate it...
It feels like a waste of time. Like a wasted opportunity to enjoy.
This is not about instant satisfaction, how the hell can one seize the day when moving forward is considered politically incorrect?