Hey there guys! Thanks for following my story! For those of you unfamiliar with my blog, I'm basically writing a chronicle of my adventure through medical school. I'm currently a 2nd year student in Philadelphia.
This is one of the best memories I had this past summer, working with children from a lower socioeconomic neighborhood in Phildaelphia as a tennis coach. If you'd like to see my previous posts, which you are all welcome to, take a look at by clicking on my profile and looking at past posts! Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the parties involved*
Boys will be boys, but it's never too late to start teaching them to be men. When I began my second day of work at the Bridging the Gaps Summer Tennis Camp with Legacy Tennis, I didn't think that I'd be writing about Ibrahim and Israel, but that's precisely why I loved teaching tennis over at Pleasant Playground. You never know exactly what will happen each day, which kids will be acting up today, which kids will be good today, and so on and so forth. This day just happened to be too hot and filled with too much energy for the weekend resulting in the children being a bit more agitated than usual.
Which brings me back to Ibrahim and Israel. The story goes, according to them, that Ibrahim dropped his towel, accidentally, onto Israel's bag. Israel doesn't like this at and takes Ibrahim's towel and throws it onto the floor, followed by, "What're you gonna do about it?" To which Ibrahim responded, "Nothing you need to know 'bout." Which leads to further words, but we were there quickly and stopped it before anything happened. I pulled them both aside and sat them down, and it was apparent that they were not about to kiss and make up, or even look at each other. You see, some back story to this, according to Israel, is that Ibrahim thinks that Israel just "acts tough" when his older brother is around, but when it's just him and Israel, he thinks that Israel is scared of him. Israel is standing his ground and saying that he is not scared of Ibrahim, and eventually this leads to "I can beat you up!!" and "No you can't I'LL beat YOU up!!" and so on.
I realized then that this was my moment to take responsibility for the role that I have been lucky to have been assigned to in order to teach these children and possibly change their lives forever. I asked both of them why they thought it was so important to win a fight, to which they both agreed that it meant they were stronger and better than the other boy.
I was quick to shut that down. "Do you boys think that men fight with their fists? No, of course not, men fight with their words, and they stick to their words."
Israel chimed in, "But we're just BOYS right now!"
"Yes," I said, "but don't you both want to be strong men one day? It's NEVER too late to start learning how to become a good man. Men who are honorable, strong, and kind-hearted. Do you boys think that President Obama won any of his battles with his fists?" (Now that I think about it, who knows though? Maybe he did get into some crazy fistfights in his heyday, but I think the kids got the point.)
They both shook their heads and I could tell they felt ashamed for what they did. I could see the gears in their head turning and this was so touching to me. Both these boys had the mindset that the only way to resolve battles and problems was with their fists and their strength, but they didn't understand that strength means a lot more than physical power.
"You're both way better than this boys and I know that for a fact," I added, "and I want you to be better, because that's the way to success in this world. Do you boys want to grow up and have other people saying things like, 'Oh look at Israel, look at Ibrahim, those BOYS just fight all the time,'? And I say BOYS because MEN do NOT fight with their fists unless they have to protect themselves."
I made them look at me in my eyes as I talked to them because their heads were hung over their shoulder. It's something I try to make all of the kids do when I talk to them because I believe that this makes my words go through to them more.
"So how do you think real men deal with their problems and arguments boys?"
Ibrahim looked up, with a different look in his eyes and replied, "They talk it out."
"And what do you boys think they do after they're done?"
"They shake hands and become friends again," Ibrahim said.
DISCLAIMER: This technique doesn't always work. Sometimes the children have to resolve it by themselves. It honestly just depends on what they give you at the time and how you adapt to it.
I make them go back to the situation that happened and talk out what they could have done differently and better and why that decision would be the higher road to take. As they talk it out, they both seem to understand why the other boy was angry, especially Israel, who I think finally got a voice and was able to say why he was unhappy with what Ibrahim did.
They both seemed to understand why their recent actions were wrong so I said they were free to go back to play, gave them both a pat on the head, turned around and walked back onto the courts, whilst saying, "So who's gonna take that first step towards becoming a man today?"
As I get to the steps of the courts, I see, in the corner of my eye, little Ibrahim standing up, and walking over to the still kind of angry Israel. They make eye contact, followed by Ibrahim muttering some words and then slowly reaching out his right hand for a handshake. It took a few seconds, but Israel eventually stood up and shook Ibrahim's hand.
I couldn't help but smile, beaming like a proud parent, but only for a moment before I was called back to work by the ever adoring sound of kids screaming, "COACH BRYAN!!! COACH BRYAN!!!"
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O.