If you have parameters, you have boundaries. You have lists..
If you have boundaries, things outside those boundaries pass you by.
Self limitation is stupid.
Open yourself up, to all the possibilities and you might be surprised.
Stop the control.
Go with the flow...
The naive idealism stage -
Starting normally with the physical, 'must have's' . Must have blonde hair, long legs, tall, green eyes....whatever.- it's all stupid.
Why?
Because focusing on specifics, stops you from viewing the whole.
It's the whole package that's important. Its the whole package that means something.
You all know the optical illusion – the wine glass and the two faces? (if you don't, google it).
By focusing on one attribute, just means not seeing the rest.
Falling for a great pair of tits, with the devil attached to them, isn't going to work out well for you , is it?(unless you are devil worshiper, I suppose)
There is no perfect.
It's a myth, created by Hollywood. One designed to perpetuate disappointment.
You can't find that perfection in real life, so you desperately watch the next brad pitt film for that dopamine hit.
It might make you feel better now, but it is also setting you up for disappointment in the real world.
So wait for the next film, to feel a little better again..
The reality stage -
As you get older, you think your standards drop from the critical perfection of youth, and that makes you sad and resentful?
No, you are just become real.
Stop beating yourself up. Self pity..... It...is... not...attractive.
There ARE no standards. Your heart doesn't work on a points system.
Standards will only blind you from the infinite possibilities of people around you.
By creating self imposed limits, we just hurt ourselves.
(Fed up of not meeting your intellectual equivalent? Bored because the men in your life can't push your limits, your buttons? - have you ever talked to that tramp on the way to the subway? - The brain surgeon who has had is own problems and fallen on hard times. He still has a mind sharper than any razor ....)
Open your eyes, relax, and enjoy what the universe is throwing your way. THEN you just might find that your soulmate, has entered your life...
Life is an adventure, and it's exciting, or it's a trauma, and it's stressful - depending on your perspective.
The life train is moving, are you are on it. The destination isn't important. (we all know what it is).
Whether you choose to wander the carriages, and see what's going on in them, or you choose to sit on one seat, and not moving for your whole life, is entirely up to you.
Whats NOT up to you, is being on the train.
Finding that some one, the one who completes you, is fine.
It also means you are not whole in the first place.
Everybody has seen those relationships, where the completeness that two people coming together brings. The joy in each others presence. Unbreakable.
Unfortunately, those relationships rely on the two people never changing, being the same people that came together and staying in the same place, together.
New flash!
People change. Always. Change is the one constant in the universe
If your relationship is based on completeness through another person, any changes, from either party, will cause imbalance in the relationship.
From my experience, that change, that imbalance, always ends up in the relationship graveyard.
Knowing who you are, and being that whole person to begin with, will increase your chances of your soulmate being with you, forever.
Both independent, and totally entwined. Room for each other to change, to grow. Together.
If you find yourself looking for approval in your peer group, or comparing yourself to others, either psychically, or in lifestyles, you are not whole.
Remember – You can't compare yourself to anyone. You are unique.
Every single person on this planet, is unique. No two people are the same.
But you know that already, right?
So if you know that already - and you understand the definition of unique. - you are now at the point of realizing how gob smackingly stupid you are. (it hurts, I still remember that ego crushing realization)
DON'T BE STUPID.
Be a whole person. That's starts with not caring about others' opinions. Be strong, not stupid.
When that other whole person comes into your life?
Fireworks!.. and then warm enduring embers, to keep you both very warm at night - and truly happy, for a long time to come..
Don't waste your time looking for your soulmate – stop focusing . Stop limiting the possibilities.
Be whole, be happy, and enjoy the ride....