The Journey and Struggles Of a Single Parent

Being a single parent is a challenge to any one that undertakes the task. It is long days and sleepless nights, and depending upon

the support system you have behind you constant worry. I do not mean the financial support but family friends and all that. Then there is the financial aspect as well. For some this is not to much of a worry, due to court ordered support, or the help of family. No matter how much help and support some may have they still complain, and well that is their right. Those that do make me question their dedication as parents in many ways. I understand that the struggle is real, but if you have the support to find a babysitter and the financial ability go out to drinks two to three or more times a month, you have no need of complaints.

Now this sounds pretty judgmental but I am speaking form first hand knowledge. When I was younger I dated several women that had children, and heard complaints about no help and not enough money from their ex. It never really hit me how bogus that was until several years ago. Now I think back and realize that they had babysitters, family, neighbors, and many others. They had cash to go drink, and party quite regular and they where getting 3 to 600 per month for one kid as well as help form the state for whatever they needed food benefits, medical, help with college etc. This can be a touchy subject to venture into but I will now elaborate as to my grater understanding on this subject.

I myself am a single parent I have been raising my daughter on my own for the last twelve years. I am a single father. Yes you

heard that right I am a single father. I have run into some of the craziest roadblocks that face men attempting to be accountable, dedicated, and responsible for their children. I will be the first to say the system is not by any means equal, nor is it friendly to single fathers. Lately all you hear is how everyone wants equality of some sort well, I want mine as well. In this system if you go to court to attempt to get support for your child as a man you cannot imaging the disgust, animosity, and offense that is directed towards you for having the gall to ask for help with your child. It was said to me if you need help then you should just let your ex have custody, but its ok for her to get support? Call me crazy but that seem a bit of a double standard. This was said to me by someone that didn't even know the whole story or the situation of my ex's issues. I was pre judged at every turn. To top all that off what the court was going to order was a insult so I declined it anyhow.

This was just the tip of the iceberg. Try being a man with a little girl and finding a public bathroom, and when you do see how long before someone thinks they should call security or the cops because you are taking her in to the bathroom. This without even asking you who you are or if that is your child. Or lets think about trying to take her to do something fun like a public pool, I have yet to see a family changing room at one of them. I have encountered some of the most abusive, judgmental and disrespectful people of my life in those situations. I would have thought that I would be treated fairly. HA that is a joke.

Here is something to think about as well I have had challenge one after another. I desired the chance to start a business so I could be around my daughter more, so I started looking into programs that might be able to help secure a small business loan. Well to no real surprise their are many special programs for single mothers or for women specifically, but not one for single fathers that I found. I injured my arm last year at home and had to leave my job, so no insurance coverage nothing. I went to see if their was anything that I could get help with I bet you already know where this leads.. That is right I was again suggested that I give up custody and deal with it because their was just nothing out there to help someone in my situation. I asked about help with possible re-training and well I qualified for a minimal grant but would have to take out more school loans and find part time work to do this even with no use of my dominant arm tuff to find work that way.

I have struggled through many unexpected prejudices, many other roadblocks over these years. It has done nothing except to

strengthen my resolve and my my character. I have found that being a single parent is tough and being a single father has its special obstructions. I have been treated with unbelievable prejudice not only me but my daughter as well, some kids where not even allowed to spend the night at our house because I was the only parent in the house, I was even told this. We have been treated like lepers at story time in a public library. Their is little if any support or groups where single fathers can go and share their issues or find help. I have been told I need to give up custody of my daughter. We have been insulted by the court system suggesting a financial inequality, as if my daughter being in my custody is worth less than if it where the other way around. With all of this I sill find this to be the most important and valuable thing I could do. I would not change one day, the lessons I have learned and the lessons my daughter has learned has made us much more accepting of others and compassionate of their situation.

I would love to find a way to start a business so I could be with her more especially as these years speed by. I will hopefully find a way somehow. Time is truly fleeting. I have been dealing with my arm in the best way I can, doing anything I can to pay the bills. and feeling constantly under stress hoping that I can continue to provide for her. Keeping a good face so as to not let her know just how bad things are. Yet as I look at it I still would not change one day. I would love to have a big Christmas, and we will someday again. I have been on the mend and things are getting better. I have truly found it is not about the things it is about the love. Even with adversity we are a family.

I have watched as she has grown into an amazing young lady with compassion, dreams, and a kindness that is unmatched. I

marvel at her motivation and drive. She has been actively involved in sports for years and has held great grades. We have the an amazing parent child relationship, a trust and honesty that I do not see in many other households. Through all the adversity we have become closer and stronger than most families. My heart fills with joy every time I watch her on the field or court. I swell with pride when I see how she treat others and works through adversity. I fear my ability to take us through this recent hardship, but I know no matter what we are a family. I cannot express the value I have found in the struggle. You never know what tomorrow will bring good or bad, happiness or sorrow, wealth or destitution, but I do know It will bring me closer to my family.