It's about to get personal up in here.
My inner world is pulled in too many directions. I wish my focus could be more simple. I wish I wouldn't talk myself out of every dream I have when that opportunity comes by. I wish I could be content enough to just have one long-term goal with a few side hobbies. I know I'm smart. Just not in any particularly useful direction.
And before I hear any "Pursue God" or "Pray about it". I want to let you all know, as agreeable as that sounds, I'm still left to figure out what that even means. What Church? What denomination? Conservative? Progressive? Should I be a pastor, lay person, deacon? Almost every time I go to Church I'm thinking about fencing (errr... sorry whoever is preaching at the time when I'm in Church); does that mean I'm sinfully distracted or I have a calling from God to be a fencing teacher?
"Well... that answer comes from the Bible."
Hahahahahaha!
Again, thousands of denominations and thousands more ideas and intrepretations to sift through. I'll get right on that.
So... let's bring this all back. My inner world needs some kind of balance. I need to work on being content. I need to settle down and decide what I should do. Should I be nobily working my life away stacking groceries in a warehouse (with a good measure of pride) because the pay and health benefits are good (assuming I don't lose my job before being invited to join the union)? Should I try and rediscover my lost passion for music? Should I learn computer programming? Maybe I could start a ramen shop; I have that idea for a signature dish. I could be a content creator for whatever video game I love playing. I could inherit my fencing teacher's art and teach others to fence. I could do any of these things, but I can't do all of these things... and that kind of sucks.