As I wrote before, I have more or less 7 months experimenting a kind of relationship that I never imagined I was going to live. If this is the first time you read about me, I will tell you what is happening from a simple point of view: I like a man, he is tall, he has long hair that falls on his shoulders , hair and red beard, he likes to cook, it is his biggest passion besides women; and then there is the other person, who I also like, is a girl a little shorter than me, with dark skin and light brown almond eyes, brights as a couple of stars, and although her smile is also very very very beautiful, I feel that without a doubt I would lose in his eyes all my life.
So that's how we are, I like two people, man and woman equally adored. This is called polyamory, the ability to love more than one person.
Polyamory is not a new subject, it is very common, but it is very little mentioned, nobody is saying there "hey look-I have two wives" only the Muslims and those strange people, much less "hey look-I have two husbands "that if it never happens hahaha
But the truth is, that common or not, it is happening, it is happening in the world and it is happening to me.
I know that this type of definition generates doubts. How can someone love two people? Are not you jealous? Do not you feel insecure? Of course it feels, whoever says that it is not like that is simply lying, the difference is that you learn to control it, just like learning to ignore temptations. Who said that being jealous was a good thing? Once you hear someone say that it is good to be jealous because you know how much you care, that is false, jealousy is never good, not is that you care, is that you are selfish, and the ego is the worst poison for our soul. The human being is not monogamous, we can not believe the falsehood of the church that forces us to think that there is only one man for a single woman, and a woman for one man, is false brothers.
The human being like other mammals and social animals WE ARE NOT MONOGRAMS, anyway I do not say that monogamy is wrong. In general, polyamorous people consider monogamy as a respectable option as polyamory, but also as an option that does not satisfy their emotional and / or sexual needs. If you fell in love with a woman and a man and that person is enough for you in every way, it fills you and encourages you, it makes you feel important and loved then I am very happy for you my brother, but I am not the same as you, and it's not because one person is not enough, no, I want too many things! I want the pleasure of a man, I want the passion of a woman, I want both without having to lie to anyone! to be in a monogamous relationship ... I would have to be unfaithful, and if I do not, if I simply restrain myself and ignore the temptation as I mentioned before, I will live unhappy, incomplete.
I do not know what made me a bisexual and polyamorous girl and you a heterosexual and monogamous person, I do not know at what moment our paths left that mark, but I know that I am happier being as I am, and they are happy with me, and that's all that matters to me.
Advantages and disadvantages of polyamory
It is known that in a stable and traditional relationship of many years, there may come a time (and indeed it happens) when the passion, the illusion, the "spark" is over. Almost without realizing it, habit, routine is installed; and sometimes even boredom. On many occasions, this leads to seeking new experiences and therefore to infidelity, can a polyamory be unfaithful? Yeah right if.
In love relationships there are usually rules and agreements that define what people expect from the relationship and what behaviors are acceptable. These rules are very varied, since there are no two equal polyamorous relationships. People who participate in the relationship can freely agree their conditions. In general, it is often recommended that these rules be flexible so that they can be revised as the relationship evolves.
Some polyamorous relationships are free-thinking, they are free to sleep with as many people as they want as long as all parties are aware and agree with it. On the other hand, and since all the people involved are aware of the situation, practicing sex with different people does not mean lying, nor having to hide it. Nor be deceiving anyone, so they avoid those uncomfortable feelings of guilt.
Others simply establish themselves with the number of people associated and make all of them a relationship, whether they are 3 or 4 individuals, they will fulfill with a fidelity, with a commitment, just like conventional relationships. In my case it's like that, I should not be intimate with any man or woman, neither my girlfriend nor my boyfriend, it's just us three. Undoubtedly, in a polyamory relationship, infidelity will be more difficult to happen. In this case you have the variety in love, in love and in sex, and you can express with greater freedom the attraction that can be felt by different people. Thing that is in human nature.
Jealousy in polyamory
How do polyamorous people cope with jealousy?
Those who hear about polyamory for the first time often ask how it is done to avoid jealousy. Actually, many polyamorous people experience jealousy to a greater or lesser extent. Jealousy is something that you have to work with yourself first and then within the relationship, examining that feeling, talking about it and trying to learn.
There are many cases in which a person maintains a relationship with another who is polyamorous, and has begun to feel jealous, and when I speak of jealousy, I do not mean only the sexual aspect. I also refer to jealousy in terms of time spent on one person or the other. And even, to the attentions that a person or the others can receive. We could avoid comparisons, which are always odious, such as how special am I to you, and how much do other people "?
Yes, it is true, it is inevitable to compare. In my case it was difficult for me to assimilate, I was used to all the attention was for me and suddenly I see her comments on her wall, a like, a kiss, a gesture she made with me and now she does it with her, of course it is difficult to assimilate because human beings are like that, ególatras like no other, we do not like to share something that makes us feel good, but that is when your own feelings come in. How would you be jealous of a person that you also like? in my case when I see my boy make love to my girl at first I feel that tickle in the stomach, those nerves, that energy of wanting to own it and that it is only mine, but then I look at it, and I see that it is beautiful too, and I love it, and I feel like I want to do exactly the same thing he is doing to him, so instead of competing with either of them, I just go in to love them. It's that simple, love can more than any negative feeling.
The thing changes if you are in a monogamous relationship and your partner has some kind of sexual or emotional relationship with a third person, usually you will live it as a betrayal, since that constitutes a violation of the rules of the relationship and, in general, also it implies that they have lied to you during certain time, with the consequent loss of confidence. It also triggers the fear, very real, that your partner, not being able to be with two lovers at the same time, leaves you for the other person. This problem does not exist in principle in polyamorous relationships, unless it is agreed to have a close relationship or polifidelity (which is not the most frequent). Even so, poly people, like monogamous people, also have fears and insecurities, and want to feel loved, recognized and special.
In short: the defenders of polyamory say that love is free, that you can love more than one person at a time; that you can find several people that are perfect for you and love them all.