Church
Transformation Church
Pastor
Michael Todd
Video
Thoughts:
My current inner circle is my immediate family which is my mom, sister, and little brother. These people are the ones that truly know me. They know when I'm happy, mad, and when I'm being prideful. It's something that is hard to admit, because I think it's my ego getting bruise, but I want to better myself so I'm willing to admit it.
An issue I have with admitting this out loud is my trust issues. Sometimes I think that my inner circle is not looking for my best interest mental wise which is okay, because we have to look out for ourselves first. My family isn't pushing me to my interest of Christ, and that's something that I'm struggling very deeply with. I feel that I should have someone with me that will hold me accountable when I mess up, and steering away from God. I used to think that was my dad, my inner circle, but he proved me wrong when i felt he would use God to just gaslight me into helping him do things his way instead of God's way.
I need someone that will tell me the truth in love not in a vengeful way. This may be my fault though that I'm out here struggling to find Godly community when I used to have one. My inner circle would try to help me, but because of all my back lashing, my negativity, and rudeness I pushed them all away. I may have been hurt I don't even remember to be honest but all I did from the ages of 11-20 was hurt people nonstop. I knew I was hurting them, but I couldn't stop myself and I feel like my toxicity finally got to my family. Now they have become the same thing that I'm trying to change from.
Pastor Mike says that my inner circle should equal Godly community, but I feel like I don't have a good inner circle. I want to complete the Circle of Purpose. The Circle of Purpose is having an active relationship with God, discovering and cultivating the specific gift God has given me, intentional use of God's gift to me to impact God's kingdom, and to have Godly community. I'm not sure what my gift is, but I know that if I pray for it God will reveal it to me. I have a feeling that it may be giving, because that's something I enjoy doing, and something I'm good at, but I'm not entirely sure and I don't want to guess. The real struggle is the Godly community. I can't go through this life alone, and I'm not asking for a boyfriend or something of similar nature.All I'm asking for is a Godly person to come into my life to guide me into a life with Christ, or at least someone that has the same goal as me which is to lead a Godly life. It doesn't feel right doing this alone. I tried recruiting my family, but none of them seem interested, and the churches nearby are not something that seem like a good fit. I feel like I should just keep praying, because I know God will hear me, and have the correct person come into my life. I hope it's soon.
Pray for me,
xoxoMichelle