They're All Elite

Oh, I didn't. I don't discriminate. ELITE is ELITE.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he's talking about those, especially. Yeah.

Politicians, celebrities, business people, they're all ELITE. I don't make discriminations. When I say ELITE, it's the whole basket of them, you know.

As Hillary Clinton was saying. Everybody got invited to the parties. Pretty much.

I did not get invited to those parties. If I did, I got invited once. I said no, and they immediately noticed.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Breaking news, breaking news. Gary Cardone has been invited to one of the ELITE sex parties.

Gary, was it wrapped around a bottle of baby oil? Like, how did that message get to you? The invitation came on the back of a Johnson & Johnson bottle of baby oil, and it was printed on the label. You're invited to a freak off. Yeah, Johnson & Johnson stock went up.

I've heard from my connections in Congress that Speaker Mike Roe Johnson has been questioning other members of Congress why they would need baby oil. Like, what's it even used for in these situations? Don't ask that question. So, breaking, breaking.

I do have an update. Breaking news, breaking. Real quick update.

I can't find it. Oh, shit. Where is the... I have confirmation.

I have confirmation that there has been a shitload of baby oil bottles and pizza delivered to the Capitol Building just a few moments ago. That checks. That checks.

I wonder if they found my stash of baby oil. I'm kidding. This is just nasty.

And I mean, I hate to be the party pooper, but let me just say this before I leave. This is why our government doesn't work appropriately. There's a blackmail ring around it, and it's just never going to end.

But whatever. Anyway, diligent thanks for the big, beautiful party. And whatever.