I had the same job for six years. Well, five years and a half. And right now I... don't.
I won't go into details about the reasons I quit. This blog post (and all the next ones, if I write them) is about my journey from now on.
When I quit my job, I promised myself that now I'd do the things I love. I promised that I'd try and silence the small (but very loud) voice inside my head which told me that I'm not good enough and that I'd fail every time. I promised that I'd take care of myself. I promised that I'd be happy.
As it turns out, I'd been unhappy for a while.
Have you felt that way? Have you been living your life, busying yourself, always doing one thing or another, not paying attention to what you feel or want? And one day you look around and realize that you're not really happy with the things that used to make you happy?
It's such a guilty feeling! Аs if you've failed the one thing you used to think was your specialty. "Oh, look at Mell, she's so happy all the time". "Hey, Mell, it's so nice that you're always smiling". "Having fun as ever, right, Mell?"
Well, nope, sorry, not today. Maybe some other time, when everything goes my way, when the job is satisfying enough and nothing makes me feel bad. Or... you know what? I can just press "reset". That way I'd be able to do all the things I didn't have enough courage or will or time to try out. And maybe feel happy again?
And so, here I am.
Today is Day 1 of my new Journey.
I've slept very little (woke up two hours before my alarm clock went off), did some exercises* (yoga feels so good to the body!), ate almost only chocolate (that's not so commendable), went on a walk and got really (REALLY) tired, bought some stuff that I needed (yay!) and none that I didn't (double yay!) and cooked me some meatballs (ate them with a few slices of apple).
I didn't do much work on my art projects but at least I did something: I drew a close up of a little boy for an illustration project. Had to re-draw the eyes about a dozen times because one of them always turned out on the wrong place. I'm still not entirely convinced it's where it has to be.
But all is well.
(*) do you know that I tried to write the word "exercises" about 10 times before I managed to do it correctly? "excersize"? no. "exersise"? nope. "exersice?" try again, you illiterate! ... and so on. It's a really nasty word!