This morning, I had an emergency meeting with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and senior members of the National Security Council to assess the ongoing threats made by Stratfor. New evidence has come to our attention that confirms what we've suspected all along.
The Secretary has pledged his support for our investigation and has released this brief statement.
"It's time to call out Stratfor for what it really is:
A non-state hostile intelligence service
often abetted by state actors like Russia”
The Secretary has gone on record to say that members of Stratfor Global have done "great harm to our nation’s national security and the threats of violence and intimidation will continue in the long term," adding that the revelations have hurt the U.S.'s relations with foreign partners.
The National Security Council and the State Department have created a joint task force to thoroughly investigate the rogue contractor. Together we've been working around the clock to compile a dossier listing the long list of threats directed towards US officials and to protect our national security.
We believe that complete transparency is the best way forward in the investigation into Stratfor's CEO and his cronies.
It has come to our attention, that a previously unknown email has been discovered that is as menacing as it is troubling.
https://wikileaks.org/gifiles/docs/16/16659_re-social-john-bolton-.html
The email contains disparaging remarks about the president's National Security Advisor's distinctive facial hair. It reads:
As a recent addition to the ranks of the hirsute.
I can tell you that that's NOT the way facial hair develops.
This is a clear reference to the terrorist organization and Hezbolla affiliate the Beirut Hirsute. This piece of solid intelligence demonstrates the integration and coordination between Stratfor and Hezbolla.
Even more, this is an unmistakable aggression towards the presidents TOP advisor. Every last one of these terrorists will be dealt with accordingly.
This concludes our investi...
Hold on!
I'm being told there's more in this particular email.
Ask him if he got that moustache by having his head up....
... CHENEY'S ASS!!!!
THIS IS INTOLERABLE!!!
THAT'S NOT HOW I GOT MY MOUSTACHE! FOR FUCKS SAKES, I CAN'T EVEN...
STRATFOR IS SUGGESTING IMPROPRIETIES BETWEEN THE FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AND ...
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS!
AS THE VICE PRESIDENT MADE CLEAR - WE HAVE TO FACE TERRORISM HEAD-ON!
WE HAVE TO SEEK OUT THE TERRORISTS, NO MATTER WHERE THEY'RE HIDING.
CHENEY TOLD US WE HAVE TO LOOK IN THE "DARK AREAS"!
HE LITERALLY TOLD ME WHERE TO SEARCH!
THESE STRATFOR AMATEURS EVEN KNOW THE...
AAAAAHHHH, PIECE OF SHIT!
(Incoherent muttering)
... 23 minutes later
The situation with with the Hostile Non-State Intelligence Service Stratfor has come to a boiling point and can no longer be ignored.
Stratfor's support and control over Beirut Hirsute security and paramilitary forces are well known.
Any violence and intimidation against U.S. diplomatic personnel, the National Security Council, National Security Advisor John Bolton, or any top US officials with flamboyant facial hair itself would represent a grave assault on the rule of law and will be met with a significant response.
Official Statement from NSC
More damning emails have been uncovered within the Stratfor archive containing threats of physical and verbal violence against USG officials and the men and women of America's armed forces.
Here's a brief summary of evidence detailing the menace to US national security.
- Please trip him.
- Look of anger was undeniable
- I'd hate to work for that guy.
- John Bolton is a complete fool.
- [John Bolton] is both stupid and ignorant and is not to be taken seriously.
- [John Bolton] is a flaming arsehole.
- As a recent addition to the ranks of the hirsute. I can tell you that that's NOT the way facial hair develops.
- Ask him if he got that moustache by having his head up Cheney's ass.
-Stratfor Global Intelligence
https://search.wikileaks.org/gifiles/
The National Security Council has determined that all options are on the table.
However, the council is left with only one course of action.
WE INVADE VENEZUELA!
WE BOMB IRAN!
HOSTILE NON-STATE SONS OF BITCHES!
SCREW STRATFOR!