Key Takeaway 1
People should stop trying so hard to be perfect, accomplished, and happy.
When people are continually focused on external markers of accomplishment, they tend to become unhappy because this focus only reminds them of what they don’t have. If people are truly thriving, they don’t need to recite affirmations that they’re happy, worthy, or successful.
For some people, however, halting a pattern of seeking external success isn’t easy or natural. Writer Suzanne Guillette had been struggling with a book project, not because she actually felt inspired to write the book, but because, she writes, “I wanted direction…and so I started writing a book, thinking that this would cure my existential angst. But I was motivated by desperation, not truth. And it showed.”
- When she realized that her book in progress wasn’t going very well, she decided to stop trying. Instead of feeling pressured to produce, she focused on doing activities that made her feel good, like exercising and eating well. A few months later, she had a sudden epiphany about how to write her book. She started writing and didn’t stop until she was done with a first draft nine months later. This experience was so gratifying that it made her realize how important it was to let go of expectations. The next time she found herself at a creative crossroads, she looked back on her earlier experience, decided to radically embrace letting go of expectations, and adopted “Fuck it!” as her new life motto.
- As Guillette’s experience illustrates, people can find freedom and even exuberance when they stop placing pressure on themselves to achieve an external marker of success—that is, when they stop giving a fuck.