Journeyman walked in on me enjoying a plate of raw food. It was a simple dish of coconut, banana and avocado. The plate was full, but Journeyman looked at the dish and scoffed.

"Honestly," he said. "How can you expect to get full on just that?"

I laughed.

"I don't expect to be full," I said. "I expect to be satisfied and healthy."

With that, he served himself a plate of leftover bhajias. Dead potatoes with all of their nutritional value destroyed by or dissolved in the purified and fortified oil that gave them their crispy texture. As if the fact that cooking had killed off 90% of its nutritional value wasn't bad enough, he decided to put the dish in the microwave and nuke what was left. I just shook my head.

Journeyman proceeded to scoff it all down and then slumped into a chair in a numbing, food-induced state of near catatonia.

"Let's run a simple experiment," I said. "If your dish of cooked food is superior to my raw dish, you should have more vitality and health than I do. 20 pushups should be enough to see who is in better shape."

"That raw dish of yours only has enough energy for two pushups," said Journeyman. "I accept your challenge."

We started our pushups and got to about seven when Journeyman started to struggle. I breezed through mine and, just to prove a point, did the final ten one-handed. Journeyman gave up at 15.

"This proves nothing!" he said.

I just shrugged.

"I have another experiment to run," I said. "Meet me at the bathroom when you're ready for a #2."

Because of how difficult his food was to digest, it took about 36 hours before he was ready to eliminate. I went in first and dropped the kind of logs that would make anyone proud and it only took me ten seconds. The drop was so clean that the single square of toilet paper I used to wipe remained the same color even after wiping.

Journeyman went next. He was in there for 15 minutes. I stood in the hallway and heard grunting like he was lifting weights combined with the kind of fireworks that makes you wonder if the toilet bowl's design standard can handle such abuse. He came out eventually, looking like he'd just completed a tour of Afghanistan. For his sake, I won't say anything about the smell.

Seeing the smug look on my face, he wiped the sweat off his brow and said:

"This proves nothing!"

"A final experiment then," I suggested. "Come back with your food bill at the end of next week and we'll make a comparison."

My food bill at the end of the week was made up of the original fast food; fruits and nuts. His incorporated meats, dairy, grains and cereals, all of which needed to be cooked and packaged. My bill was clearly smaller, but I still insisted that he factor in the preparation time and energy costs associated with cooking his food. Despite my love for expensive cashew nuts and seedless grapes, his food bill was more than double mine.

"This proves nothing!" he said, and walked away.

I didn't mention it, but the final experiment was already running. We'll see the results in 40 years.

Ode to Hovannesssian

Ashavir Ter-Hovannessian discovered the power of raw eating in a painful way. His first two children died thanks to the poisonous nature of cooked food which is wrongly touted as safe, and the medical establishment's inability to treat the complications that it causes. The doctors loaded his dying children with drugs and the only relief that his daughter ever got was from an alternative physician who suggested he up her raw content. Unfortunately, his raw-food revelation came too late to save her. His next child was fed exclusively on raw food and grew up with the kind of temperament and vitality that other parents can only dream of. He wrote this book and made it freely available to all so that no other parent has to go through what he did.

Know that what you call 'normal' eating habits were designed as a way to help food corporations make as much money as possible, your health be damned. We must reject that lower form of consciousness and evolve if we ever want live in paradise.

When people find out about my raw eating habits, and I challenge them to do the same in order to live a blissful life, they say that they are here on Earth for a good time, not a long time. To that I say:

"I'm here for a good, long time."