The saddest are these: “It might have been!”
Maud Mauller, 1.105
Crowds pressing in and over each other like waves merging in current with one another threatened to suffocate the air she hastened to breathe. A large amount of the public had come to see the belongings of a spy who had been in their midst. A well-respected doctor who had brought healing to many through the skill of his hands and the knowledge of his mind—he was the talk of the day. Everywhere she turned she heard his name, Doctor MacCrae this...Doctor MacCrae that. So many untrue rumours were floating around about his being a lethal killer, his having been a high-ranking official in the German government. None of them were true, but they were in such manifold numbers that after a while it was hard not to believe these wild accusations were false. Evelyn steeled her mind against these accusations that the people delivered with death blows to her past love. She had come to see what they would auction off. She made her way through the mass until she found Betsie at the front near the table where all his belongings lay.
The auctioneer made a signal to start the auction.“All right, right here we have several medical books in pristine condition. Why don’t we say fifty dollars? Fifty dollars?” He started to ramble off in the jargon which auctioneers employ so excellently. He started selling off the smaller items first, then the bookcase, the desk, and then...the microscope.
Her mind traveled to that time when he had first showed it to her, how he had let her peer through the wonderful machine, and how he had hovered over her. Even then his presence had sent shivers down her spine.
She battled for the microscope, the slides, and eyepieces that came with it against one of Gerald’s coworkers. After it had gone on past her rival’s patience, he threw his hands into the air. Automatically, Evelyn won the prize.“Here’s to the lucky lady, sold for one hundred dollars!” The young man who held up the items as the auctioneer rattled off his words, wrapped it up in its packaging and gave it to her. She now held an exquisite black leather box.
Other items went on sale until the last one finally made an appearance.“Now ladies and gentlemen, here is a diamond ring surrounded by sapphires. A beauty isn’t it? No one knows who this lady love was, but what a tragic ending there must have been to this unknown romance.”At the sight of it, her heart sank. She could not bear seeing it. She remembered the exact way he had put it upon her finger, and the way she had given it back to him. She picked up her only prize and left. She stepped out of the doors and didn’t know where to go. She felt stranded. So instead she just sat upon an entrance bench and stared into the blue sky, trying to listen for a heartbeat. Listen. Listen for his heartbeat. She couldn’t tell how long she had been outside sitting, listening. Then Betsie strolled out.
“Evelyn?”
“Mmm.”
“I need to talk to you.” The stress in her voice bade Evelyn get up and follow her. Betsie led her to an eerily familiar spot. “Do you remember this place?”
“Yes.” The grass upon which she had lowered herself, the bark of the tree that had ground her back—she didn’t remember being here with Betsie before.“Why do you ask? I have never come here with you before.”
“No, we never have...with your knowing about it.”
“Betsie, what are you saying?”
“I was there that night.”
“What night?”
“The night you were here with a man named Casby. I heard everything he told you.”
“What do you mean?”
“That night after I came back from my date with Rupert, I saw you come out of Gerald’s home down the street. When Rupert and I approached the apartment, you weren’t coming home. So I told him I had to follow you, and I did. Goodness, I was so afraid when I saw Casby grab you and pin you to the tree. I froze in place. Then I heard him talking to you about Gerald...the espionage work...everything.”
“You knew, as well.”
“Yes, I knew. Once he walked away, I ran back to our apartment before you arrived so that you wouldn’t know I was there the whole time.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Evelyn, I’m the one who went to the police and reported Gerald and Casby. I said that if they could get Gerald, they would find the others who were involved.”
“Why? Why did you do it?”
“Once you told me you had chosen Carl...I wanted to help you. So I told the police so that...you would never have to physically deal with Gerald again.”
Evelyn felt the heat rising in her face. Betsie had no right to determine her future. However, her love for her friend cooled the rising fire, creating nothing but fading steam inside.
“Evelyn, please say something.”
“Thank you for doing what you did. I know...you did what you thought was best for me. And yet...I don’t know what...I cannot think.”
“You asked me why I’m telling you this now.”
“Yes?”
“I’m telling you this now because I received this in the mail.” She handed a dirty envelope to Evelyn. On it was marked Evelyn Richardson and the apartment’s address.
Evelyn caught the name of the sender, Gerald. “When did you receive this?”
“Yesterday, I had a feeling you would come to the auction today.” She turned around and reached into her pocket. “I have something else for you.” She pulled out the ring from the auction, Evelyn’s engagement ring. “I bought it back for you. I thought you would want to have it.”
Evelyn carefully grasped this treasure she had given up months ago. Now it had come back to her. “Thank you.”
“When they brought it out, I saw the expression on your face. I saw fear but I also saw want. That’s why I got it back.”
“Thank you. It must have cost you a lot.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I must go back home.”
Dusk was setting. She came home to laughter filling the yard. There was Carl teaching Clyde the techniques of baseball. Clyde was licking his lips and holding the baseball bat. His brows were furrowed, intent on concentrating at the task at hand. Carl was laughing his heart away. When he saw her elegant form approaching, he put down his gear, ran to her and picked her up in his arms and twirled her around.This was all she needed. A family to love through the good and bad. They were here for her, and she was here for them.
“Carl, I’ll be inside for a few moments, alone.”
He quickly glanced at what she held in her hand, an envelope with Gerald’s name upon it. “Go on, in. We’ll be out here for a little while yet, until the sun fully goes to sleep. Right Clyde?”
“Yes, father.”
He looked at her with understanding. “Go.”
She took her leave. She sat upon the sofa in the living room and moved her trembling fingers over the paper. She opened it with her letter opener. A yellowed paper rose from the depths of its covering. She took a deep breath and opened the letter to view its contents.
Dearest Evelyn,
How I long to see your face in this dank prison. These walls do not bind me from the freedom my love for you gives me. I know I was angry when you told me you wouldn’t marry me because your husband had been found. Please know that it was wrong of me to be angry with you and with the circumstances Fate had dealt me.
I miss you, my love. The way your eyes sparkle and your smooth lips...Oh, these things haunt me throughout my days here. I love you. I always will, even in death. I am due for execution in a week. Just to read one written word from your hand would give me peace in my passing. I know you are not the one who betrayed me. I have trusted you with my heart, with everything that was mine.
With all my love,
Gerald
He still viewed her honourably even though all the evidence pointed to her as the culprit. She took up a paper and pen and penned her own note to send to him immediately.
Dearest Gerald,
I received your letter. I thank you for the goodness with which you shower me. You still yet trust me with everything that is yours. They auctioned off all your belongings today. I bought back your microscope. Betsie—she bought back the ring you gave me.
I am truly sorry for everything wrong that has happened to you. I pray you would have a swift death, one of ease. I could not bear for you to hurt. I care for you even now. However, now that I have found Carl, I cannot love you in the way I had. It is not right for me to do so. I have pledged all I have to him, and that is the way it must remain. Thank you for the love you have shown me; I will never forget it. You are that hidden ray of sun that shines upon me each day.
Your dearest friend,
Evelyn
There it was. All the words she wanted to say to him, written on this piece of paper. She left immediately to post it, knowing it would bring him happiness during his last few moments on earth.
She returned home to watch Carl and Clyde play together, father and son. She was blessed by Providence. She had redeemed her past from the ashes.