Today I experienced a breakdown, emotional energies would build up within me during morning hours, several complicated details/thoughts, and before I knew it I was simply fully possessed with anger, depression, fear and resentment in a breakdown within my mind experience. There was no danger involved though it was very uncomfortable to be me. This break down went on and it was becoming more and more painful. Until I stopped myself and sort of took a real step out of myself - to get a overview of the situation. To zoom out. And I realized that I had to accept the state I was inn. Once I got a overview of the situation I could tell myself ok.. I am having a breakdown, I accept the goddamn fact that I am having breaking down. I had to tell myself that It is ok to break down. I did that, once I made that clear to myself that:
"Tormod: it is ok for you to break down (and cry)" I did not need to cry - it was not that deep a possession, but It was pretty bad, it hurt me.
At that moment: I accepted myself within the breakdown, that is where it all changed within me. It was like the code that ticked and clicked open the up the door to peace, ease, calm, tranquility and comfort. I was now in charge of the actual breakdown and possession - instead of me being under its control. I could direct it and so I did. I directed lol... the energies down into the ground. From having had a energetic hell-game within my body from my mind - where I took charge and directed all the energies in my breaking down - into the soil. I was outside, mowing the lawn, so it all came to reason. It was like a puzzle that finally made sense. Through my body into the dirt. This was done after I had declared that acceptance of me.
The game changed when I took a step back and re-evaluated the situation, and accepted it. I embraced it by telling myself "hey ; it is ok to break down Tormod - don't take it personal !" From that point I was in charge of the energies within, so could simply release the energies, by directing them into the ground, under my feet.
This sort of self help I have developed over a period of about 5-6 years of practical walking, living and forgiving myself. Learning and understanding myself from walking with DESTENI I don't think that is a lot of time once you consider the skills I now have developed. To simply be able to take charge, and direct ones emotions into the ground - is just so fucking comfortable ! It is simply beyond. So I needed that reminder of how to act/behave once a possession is active and I lose myself to energies - how to gain direction of myself within that situation.
So today the practice was a good reminder of how I can alter my reality and take charge. A good reminder of how far I have come in my process.
In this video I talk of this experience :
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