I'm not really into writing but I guess when your lonely and sad, all words came to mind and that you just want to write.
I've been having a hard time lately because all sad past memories came knocking again my conscious mind. Been always a part of a not so good relationship.
We haven't been together for long, say for about 5 months at least being together. It was exceptional, rare I'd say. A not so traditional type of love story that we always knew.
We were both not in a good shape when we met, we were both broken, both have been wounded with different personal stories. We're still young though but experienced the reality of life enough. We were already matured enough to handle our lives, to be aware of what we were doing.
Well it all starts with getting to know each other, however, that process is always a trap, you'll always get caught of feeling the comfort after sharing the depths of your soul towards each other.
We were there, level of being friends only, because we agreed on being friends only since I was on the healing process of resolving my personal issues. It was great, felt like sharing my soul to him was easy knowing he's been into worst also. We went out even if were not on the same shift, we still managed to see each other. That's how everything started.
We explored, how deep can we share. And then it went to a roller coaster one, he fall in love with me first, I wasn't ready. I asked him to stay still because I'm getting there.It was really a very controlled situation where I have to be hesitant granting I have been into my worst shape. And so we agreed to just go with the flow. Not long enough, I also fall in love, we needed to take measures on how we're going to deal with it. It's not something that we can just show it to others and be free. Everything was controlled, and everything was fine, yes we fall in love with each other , agreed on having no labels, exclusive to each other.
It was very fine until it went deep, he couldn't control his self, it went deep on his side. I'm good with having no labels, just as long as it's not very steered. So there were arguments, started on mine and then it went clear again. We're good as no labels again, still loving each other. I remember the first time we agreed when our feelings were mutual already, we both shared the same idea "We'll cross the bridge when we get there". Yeah fortunately we were on that "bridge" already. We thought it was easy, as easy as falling in love but no. It became genuine on my side, it was pure, the feeling were not just temporary. When it became complicated, it came to a point that we stopped seeing each other often, not communicating each other often but when we decided to talk each other out. We both felt that genuine feeling, just wanting to be with each other, embracing both of our imperfections and then we became official.
It was a feeling that I haven't felt before, it was the truest of the true. We did share great memories together, needing each other so badly, missing each other even if we just saw each other. No, it's not ordinary because it wasn't something that can always be found which is genuine love. Then there was a reality, a fact that he shared to me. It was something which I can't control. It was something that I might have to sacrifice, that I might just leave.