I would climb any mountain
Sail across the stormy sea
If that what it takes me baby…
I have waited a lifetime
Spent my time so foolishly
Now that I've found you
Together we'll make history
~Foreigner “Feels Like the First Time”
Just kiddin' ~ kinda
I was having a very hard time. I was working with a doctor who was giving me psychedelics and kept talking about g-o-d and Advaita. He was starting to annoy the shit out of me.
I'm an atheist.
So, I was at home trying to figure out – what can I learn beyond secular buddhist thought and Advaita that doesn't keep my mind spinning looking for answers?
After a couple weeks of searching online going down several rabbit holes I stumbled upon Peter Fenner and his Radiant Mind book.
https://www.amazon.com/Radiant-Mind-Awakening-Unconditioned-Awareness/dp/159179577X
I downloaded the book and began to gently take it in. He speaks to you like a wise friend that has been where you are and is not above where you could be at any moment. He explained what he had done, basically what he learned and why he quit being a monk and no longer practices meditation ~ only “just sitting.” I didn't have anything better to do so I followed all he extremely simple suggestions and sat on my couch. And just sat there.
It was about 5am on a cool summer morning. It was quiet, I had done some reading in Radiant Mind, had the stove light on in the kitchen, otherwise it was fairly dark.
I was sitting there when my mind started giving me a problem. I don't remember what the issue was but I suddenly felt I was not in the mood. I felt a shift happen inside me, I felt like I expanded horizontally hovered above this personality structure and I said – NO.
All of a sudden I felt this thought structure pain in the ass lightly explode and then disappear.
My mind shot out in all directions like walls that were there pushed out then dissolved in an ever expansive feeling of infinity. I felt one with the stars and the universe.
The room was alive.
After a while of this all I wanted to do was go sit under some trees. And I hung out under trees for about four days.
Author's note: This is only my experience. I have not taken any of his courses and do not profit from him sharing my experience. I have studied in person with Adyashanti, Eckhart Tolle, many Advaita "masters" and others...no one's work has ever stopped my questioning before.