From behind this window - darkened glass or bright enough if one sees from inside, otherwise opaque only dark when looking from the outside - my eyes keep watching you. I should have come out with you a cup of coffee, like my habit of keeping you sitting next to each other or staying in that lounger. However, this time, I just stood here, watching.
I'm right from clothes. Over and over I hear your greetings at the gate as I am in the room. With a thumping chest, I almost say FROM SURE it's your voice. But first Dad came out after vaguely replied greeting while looking at me sharply.
At first glance I look at your body step, then I serve to the kitchen, the answer stove to attack the air. I also measure the powder balanced with sugar as usual, because I still remember about it. It's ready, coffee is ready.
But again before the cup lifted from the small table in front of me, Mother scolded her first with a small cough. "Let your father," he said. Then chose Bapak without saying anymore.
I always dress up as beautifully as beautifully as I can. Though of course, I had to do it, and first I thought you'd come, sometime. Every morning I hardened my hair and applied it to match my face that you said, "You are beautiful with short lips and small lips so." Yes, I'm always ready to welcome you.
But from behind this window I just stared at the ripples of your face. Silently listening to your chest tightening louder. My cheeks warm again, but not flushed.
"I love you, Mai."
You normal still remember that speech I often hear from you. Always make my cheeks blush. Especially I need all the time. You're convinced once again that I'm what you want. Not a woman of your mother's choice.
At first I'm not sure because you know in the village of love is not important. It does not mean how love is tapped into the chest of the parents. It is common that they are firm in their own choice. Not hurt, though love roared lamenting in pain. But I just gawk in disbelief, you come perfect father. And not far away you come again with your mothers. Somehow you can convince them, especially your mother who wants to match you.
Until that night, the next step is far enough. Father-Mother uses relatives, figures, close neighbors to ask for opinions regarding the wedding date. The atmosphere in the house is crowded. Various jokes and jokes on the sidelines of musyawarah. The neighboring mothers who came to help me to get upstairs did not hesitate to tease me. Blessed repeated no less crowded than in the yard. I glanced at Mom. I have never seen her face so met.
"Soon you have a family. So how is a wife, you have to keep your honor and your husband. "Mom gave a little time in silence.
"It's perfect your devotion. Take off this you follow what your husband says. "Mother is thumping. In the corner of the eye there was a stifled jog. "Tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day for you," he said again. Makes me clumsy.
"As a wife," Dad came outside. "You have to pay attention to your husband and even spend us your parents." Daddy sat down beside me. For the first time I felt awkward in his presence. The only thing I do do silence to digest, completely refute or ask questions. Bapak also mentioned the households of Sayyidina Ali and Fatima of the Prophet's daughter.
"Why in prayer marriage always present names and expectations like their family? Of course their household is not an example. •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
The story I had heard long before you put it on. But it never makes me feel stunned. Perhaps you flicked about the prominent day of my marriage.
Not much I want. Deep in my heart just to be able to foster family as well.
"Surely you have the determination to realize a mawaddah wa rahmah, Mai."
I silently wiped my curling eyes back. My firmness is totally melted.
Mawaddah wa rahmah .... My chest was torn. Tears cut the cheek. From behind the window I stared at the air of your pinnacles. Over your hand jerked the table. The coffee I always buckle spills. I want to be near you, dirtyakore. Because I know you are very frightened.
"Nothing, Mai. It's a matter of self-esteem. Actually, Mom ... "Suddenly Mother suddenly grabbed her shoulders. Her arrival surprised me. "Father and Mother have been quite embarrassed," he said in a low voice.
My move to your house is because of what you want. My mothers have relented, even though they know that there is nobody at home with them. While in your house, it may be different from their predictions. I am so, I keep the serapatasi so Mother-Father does not know my kegalau. My mouth is locked so as not to tell your mom's displeasure to me. In your house I never existed.
In front of you, I have no problem. Nor does it dare to say from day to day treat your mother to be. The reason I just want our household to be bothered by disputes. As long as you think of me, of course I'm happy and enough. Issues beyond the real problem.
A woman I know close to my mother-in-law often comes home. That's rarely do you know. How do you know if everyday busy teaching till noon. He never asked me to speak, but quite nervous enough often enough. Moreover got your mother. They chatted, laughed loudly. Of course, I was surprised by my presence that they never expected. I do not know, I can still survive.
Apart from always remembering Mother-Father, I persevered for the baby in my stomach. You're also very happy to know that it's a new spirit to ignore them. As your wife, I should be polite. Today I often accompany you to accomplish a task or tell a lot about life. Often you ask me for a lot of rest, attention that I think is more luxurious to my patience.
However, again, suddenly all changed. Just like that I trust your mother. He always pours me his home-made herbs. He said, to nourish the womb. Often belly mules, baby in my stomach loud kicking. Whenever I ask, your mother argues that is a good sign for the baby in my blood.
Then as a peak, from time to time nothing else throbbed in my stomach. Moreover kicking to make me almost crashed. Inside the room I was alone on my own, hovering over the floor. Odd, do not even feel the pain in the groin. My stomach also does not hurt, though it looks different from the usual. NEVER DO MANY EXPERIENCE. My stomach is getting worse.
Measuring my eyes see the floor full of blood. That time I realized something was wrong with your mother. Fighting him calm compilation I panic complained. In fact your compilation is coming home, he poisoned your brain.
"You mistakenly chose a wife. Keeping the pins just can not. "
You're confuse.
"Careless bases."
Mother-in-law's eyes glared at me. "Look what your wife did. You can not have children. "
Of course you're surprised to hear. Without you asking, your mother replied, "He secretly aborted his womb."
Immediately I drooped to see your body vibrate. You do not believe me, no matter how hard I explain. Add unlikely when your mother continues and continues to poison your brain.
The subject of the miscarriage has spread to the corners of the village. My nostrils yelped me. They say I have no feelings. I insist on explaining to you. I said everything, about taking care of your mother all this time. Not to add to your wounds. I can no longer hold back. Not yet the same, I wish I had nothing but your trust.
One day, without the courtiers Mother-Father has been standing at the door. They hear everything from neighbors. The answer is often forgotten that they are the ones who know best about our behavior and circumstances. At home, after I had made me go home, Mom told me why not tell me. While the father repeatedly shuddered suppressed anger. They both hate each other.
"Yes, I do not need to be long." Daddy jerked the table. "You do not deserve to be my son's husband."
From behind the window, I love your nervousness. You're shriveled and surely the father is melting. Shattered. Just like I feel.
"You'd better divorce him yourself."
Immediately you looked up. Be clear in your eyes. I want to scream, then rush to your side. But, really, I can not. Can not really afford it.