The codependents often wonder what is normal. They feel safe and wonder how others perceive them. A lot of people tell me they don't really know each other. They have become gens-s'il you like to change what they say, and adapt their behavior to the feelings and needs of others. Some people sacrifice themselves, their values, their needs, their desires and their feelings to someone who cares. For other co-workers, their behavior revolves around their addiction, whether it be a drug, a process, like sex or gambling, or prestige or power to pursue to feel safe. At the end of the day, their results feel insignificant. The two types of codependents suffer from self-alienation, a disposition of their being true. They are separated from their true and genuine self. It is the emptiness that we feel when a relationship ends, success is achieved, or during the withdrawal of an addiction. This means that addiction is known as a self-lost disease.
Denial of dependence and true being ideal, our true self-arises in the normal course of becoming an individual, called discovery, so that we can distinguish our feelings, thoughts, needs, desires, perceptions, and actions, as separate from our family and others. A stops the detection to different degrees. Since dependence is in the generation, a self-contained false is formed in the age of the child.
Most human beings are in denial of this situation because so long they have arranged their thinking and behavior around something or someone outside themselves. Some codependents may not identify their values or opinions. I suggest and can be easily persuaded to do things that you will regret later. In a conflict, you can't keep your opinions when they challenge you. This makes relationships with a minefield, especially with a partner who uses projection as a defense and accuses or accuses them of their mistakes or behaviors. You may suspect that you have been mistreated, but if you are accused, you will be confused and doubt your own perceptions. You could end up apologizing for inciting the fury of an attacker.
In recovery, we have to rediscover who we are. What should a natural, unconscious, developmental process, now as an adult requires conscious internal reorientation. The effort is necessary because the tendency is to get into denial and outsource us. denial exists at several levels, from total oppression to minimization.
Many co-dependent feelings are very sensitive to other feelings, but they are in denial of their own. You may know that you are annoying, but you are not able to call what you feel. You can name a feeling, but rationalize or minimize, or the sentiment is only known intellectually and without embodying. This is often attributed to the unconscious, to the shame that was internalized by childhood. In relationships, people feel responsible for each other's feelings. Your goal is your partner, and you often identify more with your partner than with yourself.
Needs that also deny their needs, especially emotional needs. In their relationships, they sacrifice their needs to welcome others. You can go without intimacy, respect, affection or appreciation for months or years, not even realize what is lacking. It's usually not a conscious choice because you don't realize what your needs are or you think you're counting. They also deny their needs when they are single. You can take care of yourself physically and appear to be compared to beauty or physical skills, but neglecting relational and emotional needs.
He wants the most difficult challenge for many codependents to be the identification of what they want. They are so accustomed to making others happy and satisfying their needs and desires, including those of their children who have no idea what they want. You can continue on a job or other routine behavior, but never ask what you want more from life. If you do, apologize and quickly feel that there is no point in making any changes.