From Google
It's all a matter of perspective and good editing.
The assignment in my last post, is as follows:
Write four sentences with two independent clauses properly using a comma and conjunction.
Then use two sentences from your manuscript that are incorrectly written and correct them. Post the incorrect sentence and the correct sentence.
Assignment THREE, part one.
Ashleigh is a troubled child; she is abused inside her home, and seeks danger and adventure outside.
The story of Ash is a semi-autobiography; I took a lot of her story from my own, troubled childhood.
Some of the scrapes she gets into are similar to my own adventures; Ash sometimes receives the same punishment, sometimes worse.
At least one of the more disturbing pieces of the story are real; the trick is figuring out which is which, and where the embellishments come into play.
It lingered in her clothes and hair and gave a little comfort even after she’d left the fields and gone home.
It remained in her clothes and hair, and she took a little comfort from it; lingering after she’d left the fields and gone home.
Ashleigh tuned-in to perfection and abandoned the game in favour of money in exchange for work.
Ashleigh tuned-in to perfection; abandoning the game in favour of money in exchange for work.
Assignment THREE, part two.
The other kids, especially the bigger ones, either ignored the old folks’ shouts or couldn’t hear over their own boisterous noise.
The other kids couldn’t, or didn’t want to hear the old people over their own boisterous noise.
Mrs. Wakefield, Ashleigh’s most regular client said the same thing every time.
Mrs. Wakefield stuck to a routine.
She didn’t ask or expect reward but if none came, she hesitated the next time the client wanted an errand running.
She didn’t expect reward, but she remembered the next time.
The girl was going to the shop for one of the neighbours and would have passed the post-box, but the old woman had performed the tried and tested, “I’ll give you a penny when you come back,” and disappeared off into her house before she had chance to collect her ‘wage,’ once too often, and as far as the girl was concerned, the old woman had died.
On an errand to the shop, she passed the post-box, but the old woman stiffed her once too often, and as far as the girl was concerned, the old woman had died.