Going Away
Hey there!
I'm going away this weekend, and won't be posting for a good 4-5 days. A old video of what I was doing 2 years ago came up on my Facebook memories, and it inspired me to write about it. So I wanted to take the opportunity to share my story with you all, it's been a tough old road, but when I look back on it all, I sometimes can't believe how unexpected life can be. Life is a whirlwind of opportunity waiting for us to discover it, you've just got to open your eyes and mind to new horizons and 'go with the flow'.
Where I'm Going
It's mad. My life is absolutely crazy. I am an either an extremely lucky individual, or I just have a way of finding these things. I haven't quite worked out which one it is yet. Last month, I was struggling to work out what exactly it is I wanted to do with my filmmaking career, and how I was going to go about getting experience. I had a random thought how I used to love working at festivals (I will expand on this in a bit), and how much I'd love to get into event videography, music festivals preferably.
F-ck Money
A week or so later, I was chatting to a band I've been working with a lot over the past couple of months, and they just happened to mention they were traveling to Portugal to play at a music festival. And that is literally all I needed to hear. I made a split second decision, and now tomorrow I'm off with a band for the best part of a week to make a' hopumentary' about them. Despite the fact I've been practically unemployed for nearly 2 months now, and actually had to turn down two very rare work days in order to do it, I still managed to scrape the money together for the trip, spending money and the additional 6 batteries I purchased for my camera, only to find out I'm only allowed to take 2 spare on the plane...
Yes it's irresponsible in terms of income, but you know what? I couldn't care less. I've lived skint before, many, many times, and I'm sure I will continue to experience this in the future. Having no money is something you start to become accustomed to after 19 years of it funnily enough. And why not? It couldn't be clearer in my mind that I'd much rather be skint for a couple months now and have the chance to experience some truly incredible things, whilst diving into the area I desire to work in. It's a fantastic opportunity and I'd be mental to turn it down based on the premise I'll be a bit skint when I return home. I'm a videographer, it's hard, but you have to be strong willed. And that I certainly am. So that's why when I get back my diary is full. I'm pushing myself and I plan to continue doing so until I can't physically push myself any further. It's only when you start to stop caring about money, that you realize your own capabilities. You'll be pleasantly surprised with what you can achieve with enough determination and focus, all it takes is everything you've got...
It's Funny How Things Turn Out
I look back on the last few years of my life, and it makes me feel ill. Honestly, I can not piece together in my head what exactly happened that led to where I am now and the path I am going down. It just kind of happened, and out of nowhere I just knew it was what I was meant to do. I wouldn't change it for the world, it just amazes me how mismatched my entire journey has been.
Before we continue there's something you should probably know about me. I am not a normal person. I have absolutely no idea what is wrong with me, but I do not fit into anything, or anywhere. Sometimes I even feel like I was simply not meant to be here. I've always been extremely motivated from a very young age, and always wanted to be a traveling journalist from around age 5, I was fascinated by the news.
Now I'm almost completely shut off from mainstream media, I don't want to be a traveling journalist. But guess what I do to pay my rent? I train journalist's for hostile environments, I literally work with people who I once aspired to be, in a way I never would have imagined, literally rolling around in the mud covered in fake blood... The most unproductive thing like ever, to exist, but I love it. It's brilliant.
When I was 12 years old, I heavily got into music and started going to festivals and gigs, yes at aged 12. By the time I was 13, I decided I'd had enough of enjoying myself, I wanted to do something. I knew what I wanted to do was with music, I just had no idea what. And it took my almost 7 years to work it out. So I started blogging and snapping some shots on a cheap camera and by aged 15 I had acquired press passes to some of London's biggest venues and managed to knit myself tight in a community of upcoming bands and festivals. At age 14, my toes began to itch again. I just wasn't part of it enough. No matter what event I was standing backstage at before I was even legal to do anything in the adult world, it wasn't good enough.
And That's My Problem
It wasn't that I wasn't grateful of the opportunities I had before me, I just always felt I could be doing something more. So I started putting on acoustic gigs at a local cafe, just around the time two very unorganized men decided to open the only music venue in our town. See what I mean? Like everything just kinda feel at my feet, I didn't need to do much other than keep my eyes open.
Long story short by the time I was 17 I had been pretty much the only thing keeping the music side of a venue together for nearly 2 years. I was still in school when I started, being at a boarding school with no internet access and running gigs wasn't easy, and I had 5 phones confiscated in the process. When I left school, I actually intended to study on a music business course, but fate played it's part again, telling me again, what I was doing was not meant to be.
It was really bizarre. It wasn't until the day I arrived to enroll, I'd actually been put on the wrong course. How does that even happen? Basically, it was at a music college, and the college had decided to cancel the course and replace it with digital media and I somehow managed to miss all the contact attempts from them telling me so. Funny right?
So I basically spent 2 years playing around trying to work out what on earth it is I wanted to do with my life. Whilst I was at college, I had some really negative experiences with gigs and decided that wasn't for me either. I was very confused, and wasted a lot of times of things I wasn't remotely interested in like shop or kitchen work. It wasn't until the end of my course when we were completing short films that I realized video was the perfect medium for me.
I've always been a storyteller, it's just something I have always been really confident with. I love to talk, whether it be about myself, something factual of fictional. I have a wild imagination and the only way I've found I can compress it is by telling stories. But writing is so mundane and I get easily bored and never end up finishing anything. So it just makes sense that video is what works for me.
Never Under Estimate Yourself
What I've learnt is that when making a choice that could alter your life massively, you shouldn't think too much about the what if's. You should envision in your mind what your personal goal is and how you can achieve it, then take it step by step. Just dive straight into what you want to do and don't think about it. Because the chances are, it doesn't matter all that such in the grand scale of things. You might find yourself in a similar situation to what I did, where you are doing what you think you want to, then something unexpected comes your way and changes everything.
You need to be open to change and just accept what comes your way, whilst not letting yourself get lost in the crowd. Remember what you stand for, and remember you are unique.
There's a whole wide world out there, so go out and get lost in it.
*all images are my own or licensed under public domain from pixabay