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While growing up, I experienced difficulty in understanding what I read. in fact reading became my enemy; why should I stress myself to study what I cannot understand. I questioned myself several times.
I was ridiculed by my peers in school, flogged by mum because I wasn't just getting anything right. Infact i had a special cane and broom which my mum used on me when i fail her questions. My mum would organize extra moral lessons herself to make sure I understood but it seemed like the more she tried to make me understand, the more I hated studying. She would read word for word and explain but when she asks me to explain what she read all the while, I began to stare at her, looking really confused 😕 my facial expression indicating I can't remember anything mummy. This got her so angry and irritated that she will beat the hell out of me and in my punishment, she forced me to keep reading until I understood every word I read. In her words "you may not understand what I am doing for you now but you will understand better in the future, now keep reading because you must explain this chapter."
The continuous punishments and mockery especially from peers and my only brother got to me that I became a loner. I would lock myself in a room and stay all by myself. At some point I got depressed because all of my siblings were doing so well in school even my younger ones performed better than I did. This got me thinking and I started asking what could be wrong with me? I remembered my mom telling me of an injury I had on my head when I was born which I thought might be the cause of my inability to understand and I just had to accept my fate. I tried to convince me that I was not the reason for what I went through so that I could feel better and somehow I got a little relieved. But I knew it wasn't yet over.
At ten(10) I was done with primary school and prepared to write my common entrance exams to take me to JSS 1 (junior secondary school) but I failed four consecutive times in all the schools I applied for which I couldn't get even quarter of the score talk more of the schools cut of mark. But guess what? My younger sister who wrote together with me passed all the exams excellently. This time around I felt so sad and needed an answer to why I was performing so poorly, I walked up to my Dad and asked "Dad why I'm I dull? Why can't I do well like my siblings?" He looked at me and asked me to come sit on his lap, he said this words to me "You are not dull, you just haven't made up your mind to succeed, just know I will always be here to support you the best way I can" his words really touched me that it made me cry. I went to my room and thought about my Dad's words, is it that I am intelligent but I don't know? And in my meditation, trying to understand and if possible provide a solution to my problem, I overheard my mum telling my Dad that she intends to put me a government school because she doesn't want to waste money on me by sending me to any private school and my Dad said that it isn't going to be possible because I can't be the only child going to a government school in the house while my siblings all attended private schools. On hearing this, I couldn't help but to cry my eyes out😢😢 , I began to question God why he created me dull, why I'm I not as intelligent as my siblings. I cried myself to sleep.
My dad came to check up on me and I his presence woke me up and I said to him *Dad give me one more chance to write an exam in a private school and I promise to make you proud. He hugged me and said he understands how I felt and he will always support me. That night, we both thought and searched for a school, made enquiries and hurray, we found a school in the northern part of Nigeria, Adamawa state where my family was based. My Dad encouraged me to study as the school exams was in two days time.
This exams was like my only chance to prove to my family that I could also do well, I studied and studied, I prayed and prayed until the deal day came. I wrote and did my best. After the exams, we were asked to wait for our results and lo and behold I got the cut off mark, exactly 50 at the dot, I got the admission, Yes I did. I just couldn't hold my joy, I rushed home to share the good news to everyone, all eyes staring at me as soon as I came into the house smiling. Everyone asking what was the outcome? Did you get the admission? And I told them YES I did and everyone was really happy for me.
This admission didnt just bring an awakening to me but brought this unusual confidence I never had. I said to myself if I can get this admission that means I wasn't dull after all. The injury story was not affecting me in anyway.
I challenged myself, I begged my mum to get novels for me for the first time, this got my mum surprised. She bought some novels which I read and made sure I understood, I even made it a point of duty to explain each novel I studied to my mum and Dad and moral lessons learnt from the story. My parents were really impressed about my new found love for studying.
I didn't just love reading but it became a lifestyle. I was getting ready to make a difference in my life, I got ready for school. I took my studies seriously and promised myself never to take any position other than the first, second or third in school. I gave myself a target and I studied to achieve this. My hard work paid of and I got a third position in my first term; subsequently second and maintained a good performance until I finished my secondary school.
My experiences taught me so much. It made me understand that I was all I needed to succeed. When you make up your mind to win and do the needful, you will surely win. Always look at the bright side of life. Self determination is everything.