There's so many things to write about, think about and feel about, sometimes it all get's a bit overwhelming for me. But hey, let's try at least to stick to the title perhaps?
I had the urge to write this blog this morning, yes it's morning in South Africa right now, because sitting here with my little cat's paw in my hand, I had this massive feeling of... what was it, some kind of big feeling, of - life, that was it.
There's so many things that happen during a day, a week, heck, even a moment is big and things can change so fast. We've had Neon for almost 2 months now (1 month and 2 weeks this Sunday) and wow, has life changed meaning since we got her. I dunno, is it because I might have been brooding... Lol, don't think so, but all I know is this little kitten has given me so much to live for, regardless of many things that motivate hopelessness to creep in, when I felt this little paw in mine this morning, so trusting, so loving, I was just amazed (again) at how such a little thingy can give so much love and meaning to one's life.
^ Here's a photo of mini Neon, a few day's after we got her (she was 12 weeks old).
It makes me think about how many other small things there are that give big meaning to my life and others' lives and how often I probably overlook them because they are physically small. If one thing I've learned in the course of my life so far it is this, meaning is everything (well to me it really matters, not sure about you, what do you think/feel?).
There has been times where I had barely nothing and times where my dreams came true, but I might have been more happy when I had nothing, just because the little things I had carried more meaning to me. It's strange how dreams can be shallow sometimes, like when you get them/they come true, it's like, "why did I want this?". These days I am thinking twice about my dreams, I feel more safe thinking about the things that bring meaning to my life, as those and these things have never let me down. For me things like stories, good times with friends and family and sometimes more than not, strangers has brought big meaning to my life in the past.
Most of the time material things bring me little satisfaction, and sometimes I try and convince myself otherwise, just so I can get some drive to pursue money (as I need to pay bills, Lol) - but more often than not, what makes me really happy lies few and far between my financial dreams.
*Just as I am typing this, little Neon got irritated by the sound o my keyboard tapping as I write, so she left my lap and found another cosy spot, away from me. "Could I not wait and enjoy her small paw in my hand a little longer?" I ask myself.
In the end I have to accept that things are all relational, inter-sectional (and all the other synonyms). The decisions I make and the actions I take are not really anything if I do not align my thoughts with what it is that I wish to feel and think.
You know, I always dream of this kindof experiment, where I have nothing, like in some shows I know I've watched before but can't remember their names, oh yes, Robin Hood, the 90's one - where they are hungry and have no food, but someone decides to use their imaginations and imagine the clay in front of them is the best meal they can think of. Maybe that's the best trick to teach yourself, your child, your anyone-you-care-for-and-would-listen.
I would love to be able to create my own placebos. Yes that's it!
Ah I see, so what I am feeling is this: Neon's little paw in my hand is a good placebo for meaning in my life, petting her, watching her play, I can do that all day and forget about the sorrows I face any moment.
So maybe a cat is more than just a cat, I am sure you would agree, no? I mean of course they are!
I don't have children, so I don't know if you can get the same feeling by watching them and living life through them, but wow, this little kitten of mine surely has taught me loads so far about life. I love believing her purring give me 'prana', so whenever she purrs when I pet her I breathe consciously, making sure I sponge up every little bit of healing energy her pure loving little heart is radiating, but not everything though - I need to leave some for her too!
😻
Thanks for reading,
Dino_C 🐊
PS - 