happy forever third chapter: how to express appreciation
part number four
express it with words. for some people love and appreciation are feelings and attitudes, so they do not know how to express them in words. other people do not express them pro who suppose that their spouses recognize their way of thinking, as if they were able to read the mind.
On one occasion, hundreds of husbands and wives met in small groups. There they spoke frankly, some of them for the first time in their married life, about the qualities they valued in their spouses. It was amazing, "said a young wife-Peter and I had always assumed that we loved each other. but when we expressed how we felt inside and why we thought we loved each other, we discovered that our love was much deeper than we had imagined.
It may be that at the beginning you feel some discomfort in expressing your appreciation with words, but keep doing it. Your spouse needs to know what you really feel inside. you are likely to think that you have already been showing appreciation in other ways, dealing with the arrangement of the house, preparing food, bringing money to meet the needs of the family, or otherwise. but those actions can not replace the need for your appreciation to be expressed in words.
Identify a specific quality.
When expressing admiration or appreciation, avoid speaking in general, because that may confuse without clearly expressing what you are referring to, for example, a wife once told her husband that she thought he was manly. when her husband asked her to clarify exactly what she meant, she could not mention any specific quality. that is why it is better to express appreciation for a particular fact or a definite characteristic, such as a hairstyle, a courtesy, a new coat, the figure of the wife.
in this way it will be clearly understood what is meant, there will be no confusion, and clarifying questions will not be asked. avoid flattery. Flattery and appreciation are different things. appreciation is sincere, does not manifest selfishness and is universally admired. On the other hand, adulation is not sincere, reveals selfishness and is universally condemned.
someone said: do not be afraid of the enemies that attack you. instead you should fear those who flatter you. Honest appreciation and praise are based on character traits and actions.
Say words of praise every day. Do everything possible to have the reputation that you are an appreciative conjugue. Do not let a single day pass without admiring some good quality in each member of the family. the daily expression of affection and appreciation is one of the most effective techniques to soften the asperities of family life