Have you ever as a child wondered why our parents constantly nagged about: "Greet the people! Were's your manners! Don't do this or don't do that?
When I got married , me and my husband decided to wait a few years before having children. No one could prepare us for the chapter in our lives that involved having little feet in the house. During this time without even thinking of children we observed our friends who had children at that stage. So we made a list of how we want to raise our kids someday.
After 5 years of marriage our fist born was born. I realized that it's easy to have an opinion when you don't have kids but to put it in action is a different story. Needles to say 3 years after that our second child made her appearance in our lives. I must say that I love them both so much I wouldn't change anything.
For the first time I realized that my parents wasn't nagging about our behavior but they help us to be more disciplined and have respect for other people. They have given me a character that will sustain all situations. Since I've been sitting in the parent chair I realize its hard work but it will pay off. We all want good behaved children. But sometimes we forget that it's not just behavior but also character that needs to be build in to our children.
During this holiday I thought a lot about this:
How to breed a good, sustainable character in my two girls.
1. What they see is what they do. The way you treat them is how they treat their friends.
For example: When I'm busy in the kitchen they play in their rooms. I can hear their conversations, sometimes I can not help laughing. The one day while preparing supper I heard my youngest say to her doll lest go and bath you. It went quiet for awhile, I decided to go and check on her. When I got to the bathroom she was sitting on her knees holding her doll over the toilet and rubbing her back. She was saying: "It's okay mommy is here, you'll be okay. Are you done vomiting? Okay lets clean you up." This was so sweet, she did this with her doll because she knows I'm doing it with them when they are sick.
We think that they don't watch us closely but they do. The example you set for them is very important.
2. The way I speak to them... communication in our home. I know life is busy and we all work and have a lot on our plates but they are just children. I realized that my girls doesn't understand stress or work situations. They have fun and for them everything is fun. I really try to listen to them to hear what they say. To go down on their level and show them that I am interested in them and in how their day has been. In our home we have this thing we do, it started out as fun but now it's become part of our daily routine. One of the girls will ask " What was the highlight of your day?" then every one will share what it was. And then " what made you sad today?". This helps to understand our children and to acknowledge that they are important to us. It helps with communication and how to communicate. It let's them feel save.
3. Discipline (setting boundaries). This is the hard part for me. When they do something wrong to discipline them. When they are small they don't always understand why they need to be punished but the older they get they start to understand better. I learned to speak to them after they've been punished, to make sure they understand what has happened. I will explain to them why I needed to punish them and what the right way is. We as adults/ parents understand how everything works but to them everything is new. This is only for their benefit. As they become adults later in life, they will know that having boundaries as a child was necessary. We can help them to accomplish more than they ever thought possible.
4. Caring. Since my girls had been small , I tried to teach them how to care for others. To look after each other and stand up for one another. Before my second child was born, I made my oldest daughter part of my whole pregnancy. She was so excited to have a baby sister. On the day of the birth my husband bought a doll for my oldest daughter. Everything I did with the baby she did with her doll. It started to teach her how to care for something. If something good happens we celebrate it, if one of their friends are sad, we cry with them. The other day one off their friends were taken to the hospital, we prayed for their friend. By caring for one another it will help them to see the world differently.
5. Loving and being humble. Last year I learned a lot about loving. First I learned that I have to love myself first and then others. The reason I'm saying this is because if you don't how will you love others? I'm trying to teach my girls to love who they are. My one child got strait hair and the other one curly hair. The one with the strait hair asked me one day why she doesn't have curly hair,she wants curly hair. I explained to her that God created her perfect and he made her hair special. He knew that strait her will be perfect to go with her character. Now she loves her hair. With loving comes humbleness... we always need to stay humble. What is the first thing you think of when someone is arrogant? You don't want to spend time with him. That's why its important, for our children to have friends we need to teach them to stay humble, not too brag about all the big toys they have or always knows better. We teach them that their friends will have more respect for them when they see what you know than to hear it. It will help them to grow.
There is a lot more to say about character but these few points helped me to be a better parent and to build into my child that no one else can. I hope some of this will help you.