Why do we, as parents, feel such pain where our grown babies make mistakes? I have always been a mother who wanted her kids to learn from their own mistakes. When they're little, I don't stop them from making the wrong choice, unless they're going to get physically hurt. That's the way they learn. I have asked many times, "Now what did you learn from this?"
Why is it so different when they grow up? Why is it so hard to stand back and let them learn from their mistakes? I'm not even talking about major things, like drugs or an abusive relationship, but smaller things.
Things like, "don't buy that cheaper car that needs a ton of work, spend the extra money up front and get one that runs good." Daughter: "But mom I can have my boyfriend fix it and save a lot of money". Sure enough, months later, the car still doesn't run and the boyfriend doesn't even know what's wrong with it. Long story short, going to spend a lot more money either on another car or a mechanic.
Not a big deal right? Nobody hurt, she lost some money, and learned a hard lesson. But why does it cause me so much pain to let her learn this way? I gave her my advice, why is it so hard to just sit back and let her do her own thing? It wasn't this hard when she was growing up?
Is it because when she was young, I was there to make sure that the wrong choice didn't hurt her? Or is it because, now that she's grown, I feel that she no longer needs me? And if so, why does this bother me? Isn't that the goal of parenting, to raise kids in such a way that they have the confidence to be independent? That they have the drive to make their own decisions and the desire to succeed?
On the flip side of this, there comes joy and pride when I see the young woman she has grown up to be. She's not perfect of course, but she is a healthy, smart, beautiful young woman with a strong will and a hard head. She reminds me of someone else I know, she reminds me a lot of myself at her age. And I think I can remember making some hard headed choices of my own, and my mother giving me advice I didn't take.
Maybe this is the way it's supposed to be after all :)