With so many taboos and traditions, social interactions can be a minefield in China. Although many are disappearing with time, there are still some things you just shouldn’t say in this country. Here are just a few:
“Thanks. I’ll look at that later.”
Most people know that if someone hands you a business card (which happens all the time) you should make sure you study it before tucking it away somewhere safe. But not a lot of people know that you should avoid putting it in the back pocket or hip pocket of your trousers, if you are wearing them. To do so would imply that you intend to “sit on” the other person (in a business sense, of course…)“Here, take my umbrella.”
If you’re outside with a Chinese friend or colleague and it starts to rain, never offer them your umbrella. The Mandarin word for the humble brolly sounds like the word for separation, so proffering your umbrella implies that you will never see the person again. However, if you genuinely don’t want to see them again, it might be a good get-out.“After-dinner drinks, anyone?”
You should never suggest an after-dinner tipple after eating a meal with Chinese friends or business colleagues. Proposing postprandial alcohol is associated with getting killed shortly after; and no-one wants that, right? It’s better to get as much drink down you during the dinner itself, obviously.“Ooh, a present! I’ll open it now.”
If you are ever lucky enough to receive a gift from a Chinese person, never unwrap it in their presence, no matter how excited you are to find out what’s in that iPhone-shaped box. Imagine how hard it will be to disguise the disappointment on your face when you discover that it’s actually a thick volume of thorny Tang Dynasty poetry and not the gadget of your dreams. The generous gift giver doesn’t want to see that disappointment…“AAARRGHH!”
While coming over all Jerry Springer might wash in the West, losing your temper in front of Chinese people is seen as a huge loss of face, both for you and them. Try to keep your cool in annoying situations, unless you want to be seen as the “crazy laowai” who can’t control their emotions. This includes common sources of angst like getting cut off at the traffic lights, landing the city’s most unhinged taxi driver (again), and eliciting blank looks when you mix up your tones.“Happy Birthday. Here’s a clock…”
Giving clocks as gifts is a huge no-no in China. The relentless ticking away of the hours is thought to symbolize the inevitable march towards the grave. Also, the word for clock sounds like the word for end. The act of offering a clock (song zhong) sounds like being at someone’s deathbed. A wristwatch, on the other hand, is perfectly fine to offer as a present.“… and a handkerchief.”
Avoid giving handkerchiefs as gifts too, because they are used to wipe away tears.“Could you switch that off?”
Anyone who has ever sat through a meeting will be familiar with regular interruptions from colleagues’ mobile phones. Under no circumstances should you ask them to turn off their cells, no matter how irritating the ring tone / QQ trill / constant holding up of the agenda. It’s seen as a loss of face.“Hey, man. Here’s a green hat for you.”
If you give a green hat to a male friend who is married, you are suggesting that his wife will make a cuckold of him.“Are you looking at me?”
Sometimes non-verbal statements speak louder than words. As well as being careful to avoid spoken taboos, there are certain looks and gestures you should steer clear of if you don’t want to offend. Frowning is construed as meaning that you disagree, so even if you are doing it in sympathy or agreement, that isn’t what it looks like. Also, avoid maintaining eye contact for too long, as this is seen as threatening.
Although many of these taboos are eroding with time, many persist, so it’s better to be safe than sorry, especially when communicating with the older generation.
