In this edition:
Let's celebrate that absolutely nothing ever happened on this date
Emperor Xi's heroic fight against the virus
The Emperor's Moments
ConfuXius says
And now: Let's all sing praise to China! Hail Emperor Xi!
Let's celebrate that absolutely nothing ever happened on this date
Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, today led a great parade down Chang'an Avenue in Beijing to celebrate June 4th.
He was greeted by an enthusiastic crowd of millions who did not want to let him pass without giving them autographs. Here you can see that moment:
After Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, signed the autographs using his favorite AK-47, the parade proceeded towards Tiananmen Square. In the square, the common people celebrated his appearance with happy bonfires:
People were so happy, they even lit bonfires on the vehicles of the parade:
Finally, Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, was able to give his speech in commemoration of the 4th June 1989, when absolutely nothing remarkable happened. This day was so particularly unremarkable that people will forever forget it. In celebration of nothing, Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, inaugurated a statue of the goddess of forgetfulness:
This statue will be not remembered for ever having been in Tiananmen Square. In his closing statement, Emperor Xi remarked:
"Let's remember to forget, so that we never forget to remember that nothing happened which could be remembered on this day in history. Forgetfulness is the key to a happy life. Forgetfulness is the key to life. If you want to live, forget!"
Moving words. So moving indeed, that on his way back to the palace, those who could not forget threw themselves under the car of Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, in order for it not to touch the dirty road. Here are some of these brave, loyal citizens:
Truly a great nothingness!
Emperor Xi's heroic fight against the virus
We have exclusive photography of the brave fight in which Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, single-handedly defeated the coronavirus:
Truly a great warrior!
--- Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, had a wonderful phone call with trusted vassal Angela Merkel.
In it, Emperor Xi, praise be upon him, appreciated the German government's subservient stance and added that China would stay committed to Germany further opening up and expanding subservience.
Merkel replied that to enhance international solidarity and multilateralism it is crucial to kowtow to China.
Truly a great phone call!
That's it for today.
More to come, as time allows and news provides.
Don't forget to praise Emperor Xi and pray to the CCP!