In the above series, yesterday I wrote about, keep calm and resolve.
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-105-conflict-keep-calm-and-resolve-hallway-projects-conflict-togetherness
Today's post will be the conclusion in this series of posts that dealt with Conflict togetherness. The room/space in the house that represent conflict is the Hallway. So today we look at the last steps in this process.
EVALUATE AND DEBRIEF
Every fight or conflict is a chance to learn more about each other. Professional sports teams watch tapes of the game they just played to evaluate what they did right and where they need to improve. After each conflict, you should do the same thing.
Here are 10 questions that will help you improve your fights and draw you closer together.
- How well did you listen?
- How honest were you?
- Did you say anything you wish you hadn't?
- Did you take responsibility for your part?
- Did you obey your fight rules?
- What did you do which made the situation worse?
- How flexible were you?
- What did you learn from this fight?
- How would you handle yourself differently next time?
- How can you communicate your love in spite of your disagreement?
Use your responses to debrief with each other.
- MAKE UP
Couples sometimes joke that they love a good fight because of the make-up sex that is great. But all jokes aside it is very important to make up after the fight as soon as possible.
First apologise for wrong thoughts, attitudes, words or actions. Don't wait for your spouse to initiate the apology.
Too many times a husband or a wife waits for the other to start. You take the first step and your partner will follow.
Secondly, forgive each other.
Ken Sande, in his book "The Peacemaker, suggests that you forgive each other with the four promises of forgiveness:
- I will no longer dwell on this incident
- I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you
- I will not talk to others about this incident
- I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our relationship
Finally, both of you initiate positive, loving behavior. If you love each other, show it. Encourage each other and say nice things. Conflict can be exhausting and leave a person feeling fragile. Take care of each other. Do something fun and relaxing. Enjoy your time together as you reconnect. Be gentle and compassionate.
One of the best ways to make up is with a hug. A genuine, tender I-love-you-with-all-my heart-hug. A genuine hug is a symbol of emotional and physical reunion that reminds you that you are both on the same team. Making up sure does feel nice.
Sources: Source: Blueprints for a solid marriage, Dr. Steve Stephens
Images: freepik.com
Thank you for reading, good luck on resolving conflict in your marriage.
