I am doing a series of post about Parenting responsibilities.
There are at least 5 Major Parenting Responsibilities which are:
Know your children
Love your children
Teach your children
Discipline your children
Protect your children
The previous posts were: Know your children, Love your children and Teach your children. So today's topic:
Discipline your children
As parents, you have a responsibility to set rules that teach, protect, and guide your children. Without discipline, your children run the risk of growing up to be spoiled, irresponsible, and possibly even delinquent adults. Discipline brings children from immaturity to maturity. It helps them avoid the foolishness, dangers, and various other pitfalls of life. It teaches them that there are rules to be obeyed, no matter how old they are, and that there are consequences to be paid for disobeying these rules.
Parents who love their children will discipline them. Every individual has a slightly different perspective on discipline; much of this is based upon how they were disciplined as a child. This area can be highly emotional and therefore it is very important that each couple work together. If a child senses differences in discipline styles, he or she will quickly set you up into good guy vs bad guy roles, doing everything possible to manipulate; you against each other. Therefore work together and establish rules of discipline as a team, before you communicate them to your children. Support each other in front of your kids, even if you disagree. When differences of opinion arise, resolve them in private. Your children need to see a united front, especially in this area.
Every couple has their own unique form of parenting, but researchers have divided these approaches into three basic styles:
The Marshmellow style.
This is where there are few rules, and those set are often vague and unclear. The discipline has inconsistent follow through. Children are given a lot of space and little supervision. They believe they can manipulate their way around the rules and talk their parents out of any consequence.
The Military style.
This is the opposite extreme of the Marshmellow style. There are many strict rules that are difficult to understand and/or obey. The discipline is often harsh and might be done in anger. Children frequently become fearful of their parents and might even believe they will get into trouble no matter what they do.
The Managed style.
This style draws strength of the other two types and it has been proven to be the most effective. There are clear rules with calm, consistent consequences. Children know what to expect and that their parents discipline because they love them.
Discuss the managed style together and then figure out how you can implement it as a team. Here are 10 points that will help the two of you can implement it as a team. Here are 10 points that will help the two of you to be successful in this area.
- Set clear age-appropriate rules.
- Explain the rules and why you have set them.
- Describe the consequences of breaking the rules.
- If your child is older, he or she might participate in setting these consequences.
- Have your child repeat back to you the rules and consequences.
- When your child breaks a rule, firmly without anger remind him or her of the rule and the consequences. Then follow through with the discipline.
- If you are angry, don't discipline until you have calmed down.
- When you are finished with the discipline, reassure your child that you believe in him or her and that you are sure he or she will make a better choice next time.
- Tell your children you love them and give them a hug. If a child is not ready to accept one, don't force it.
- Move on with life without embarrassing children by bringing up their offences again.
The last but maybe the most important parenting responsibility is to Protect your children. This will be my next post about Parenting.
Thank you for reading!
Source: Blueprints for a solid marriage, Dr. Steve Stephens, Tyndale House Publishers.
Images: freepik.com except where mentioned otherwise.
