After working through the first three recovery steps, a lot of people get stuck on starting step 4. Taking a look at yourself and committing it to paper is a huge deal for a lot of us, and it is something we just do not want to do. Often, this is where people drop out of the program, stop talking to their sponsors, and inevitably return to whatever they were doing that brought them in
Don't do the dance!!
We see it time and time again. Someone comes into meetings and is Gung-Ho about recovery. They find a sponsor and begin working the steps. They admit they are powerless over whatever they are having problems with, realize they need something bigger than themselves to overcome it, and decide to let that something take over for them. Then it comes time to start step 4- The searching and fearless moral inventory. They don't even start it before they go back out, only to come back again and start over. This is the dance known as the "Three Step Shuffle."
I Just Can't Face What I Have Done
When someone realizes that they are being asked to really account for the things they have done in life, both to themselves and to other people, often they feel as though there is no way that someone is going to be able to hear it and not be disgusted with them. This is what we call "Terminal Uniqueness" in the program, and it has caused many a person to relapse. If they are lucky, they do not die and make it back to the program to try again.
How Do You Eat an Elephant?
This may sound corny, but the answer to that is "One bite at a time." This means that you don't have to face the prospect of doing your whole life history at once, or just listing all of the bad things you did, without balance. When I did my fourth step, my sponsor had me write for 15 minutes at a time, with the last 5 being positive things that I had done. This forced me to leave with a note of encouragement instead of remorse at my past actions.
Whatever You Do- Don't get Stuck!!
This is a crucial time in your recovery, do not let the what is going to have to be done in the future scare you into making a bad decision now. At this point you should be talking to your sponsor about how you are going to approach doing your fourth step, and what they think it should look like. Each person is different and so is each sponsor. Just remember the slogan "EASY DOES IT!"
As Always...
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