It is well and proper to go out of your way not to offend someone. Paul reminded the Christians in Corinth that loving others sometimes entails giving up certain rights ( 1 Cor. 8:9, 10:23). Yes and amen.
This is not, however, a call to abandon reason.
I recently watched a video in which people were interviewed regarding microaggressions. I think a brief tidbit summarized things well.
Interviewer: Have you ever had a microaggression committed against you?
Jane Doe: Yes, it happens all the time.
Interviewer: Have you ever committed a microaggression against someone else?
Jane Doe: Oh, I’m sure I have! I try not to, but that’s the thing about microaggressions – you have no idea when you are or aren’t doing it.
Huh… well, then…
Social norms are tricky. I mean, they are really intricate. Figuring out when to say what, how, and to whom is a skill that we spend years developing. That’s why kids say the darndest things – they haven’t yet learned not to.
It’s a little like living in a minefield. Thankfully, our parents have lived in the minefield a very long time, and they’ve helped us map it out so that we know where not to step. But imagine living in a minefield in which the mines are in constant motion. You wake up every morning having no idea where it’s safe to step. The map is useless, and there’s no point in starting a new one because it’ll be irrelevant again tomorrow morning.
Welcome to microaggressions.
For example, there are some things you just don’t say. “How far along are you?” Nope. Bad idea. That’s a mine. Don’t step there.
But what about something as innocuous as “What did you go to school for?” or “Where are you from?” or “Did you catch the game last night?” In microaggression world, these may be harmless conversation pieces or they may get your leg blown off. You have no idea. That’s because it’s not based on any societal norm but on the whims of the other person. Maybe you’re just trying to make small talk about the Seahawks, or maybe you’re a sexist pig who’s making a quip about the fact she’s a woman. How dare you?!?
Of course, while we like to think that this is a new cultural phenomenon created by the feminists and perpetuated by snowflake millennials, it’s really not. Nor did it originate decades past with the evangelical right. Jesus dealt with this same crap 2,000 years ago.
“Woe to you! For you are like unmarked graves, and people walk over them without knowing it.” -Luke 11:44
Jesus called the Pharisees, the cultural leaders of the day, unmarked graves. In Judaism, coming into contact with the dead meant you were unclean (Num. 19:11, Lev. 21:11). You’d have to spend seven days quarantined from the rest of society, making sure you didn’t contract something and could be deemed clean again. So, if a grave was unmarked, you could imagine how annoying that would be. It’s not like you even meant to do it – how were you supposed to know otherwise?
The Pharisees were unmarked graves. You could say or do something that seemed completely reasonable, but they’d still get offended. For them, being offended was a form of virtue. “I’m so holy, that even the slightest mention of sin and I’ll tear my clothes and put on sackcloth and ashes for a month!”
Living with them was like living in an everchanging minefield.
And so, here we are. Different year; same problem.
Two points:
There is nothing new under the sun. Don’t fall for the myth that we are so much more advanced than the people who have come before us. We’re not.
Don’t be a Pharisee, living in a state of perpetual offense and making daily life impossible for everyone around you.
“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." - Proverbs 19:11