I have always loved baking for Christmas, and for years would devote an entire day during the holiday season in the kitchen making treats and sweets (much to my mums dismay) 🙈 It brought me so much joy and delight and was what getting interesting the Christmas spirit was all about for me ✨
On the left is me when I was 15, after creating my first ever very own gingerbread house! I had done everything myself - found the recipes, organised the ingredients, did the all mixing, cooking, constructing and decorating in my favourite lollies 🍭🍫🍬 I was so proud of my masterpiece! The house didn’t last long, as I can remember taking whole walls to eat for myself and then snacking away on icing when I felt like it 👅 I’d eat a lot of extra sugar, but it was only one time a year and my Christmas specialty, therefore worth enjoying for the occasion.
Two year later I am also doing my Christmas baking, but I had developed my eating disorder. I was going through a stage of orthorexia, where I obsessed about only eating “healthy” foods 🌱 The sweets I made were all vegan, dairy free, gluten free, egg free, no added sugar and more dietary restrictions I’m probably not aware of. They had come from recipes I’d found online under health fitness blogs and “clean” eating websites, which was the ONLY type of Christmas baking I was willing to do. I made various flourless cakes and raw treats which I then barely allowed myself to enjoy, ending up having to give most to my family or away.
It really saddens me to contrast these two photos as I can really see just how my eating disorder had taken what was a free, creative and thrilling activity and turned it into a structured, obsessive and rigid task.....The last few years I haven’t done my Christmas baking, due to being too unwell and fears of enjoying sweets of any kind. Although I may not be ready to get back into my baking
just yet, I am still hoping to allow myself a gingerbread biscuit or mine pie here and there, to once again enjoy the holiday delicacies 😄 which will be a win! Hoping you all can give yourself the same opportunity this Christmas ♥️