Being the Only Ex Mormon At A Baptism
The ceremony was lovely. Nice people showed up.
The speakers were well intentioned. Each of them, with their warm, heartfelt sentiments sharing about how my very young and innocent son will be able to get back to heaven now that he has cleansed himself of all of his sins so he can be with god again. I guess that's supposed to be encouraging?
Everyone (mostly) was gracious toward me, the heathen mother who rumor has it might have stopped the baptism, were it not for the ample prayer and fasting the townsfolk had done to make sure the Lord touched her heart and softened it in preparation for this important event.
In actuality, I was just following a court order as part of the Divorce Decree. But they can think it's because of their prayers. That's fine.
The fact is, he's probably better off getting baptized, honestly. Being residents of the infamous Happy Valley, all of the neighbor kids go to church, many of his classmates are members of the church. Birthdays, camp outs, father-son activities. He'd be the odd one out.
I thought of this.
He also tells me he wants to do it.
I thought of this as well.
A Christmas Miracle!
What I find mind boggling though, is that BEFORE I left my husband two years ago, he didn't give a lick about the church. Never went to meetings, fell through on callings and assignments, never read scriptures or talked about spiritual stuff with me at all, frowned whenever I tried to organize Family Home Evening every week, engaged himself in activities that were in direct and adamant conflict with our religious beliefs, and for all intents and purposes, was completely and totally inactive and quite thoroughly against the church altogether. Were it not for me, he would NEVER had set foot in that church for our entire marriage. In fact, his own mother would call on Sundays to nag him into going. He complained about it when she called. He wasn't going. I asked him to come with us often. It was a no.
Nothing could be done about it. I eventually stopped going as well and ultimately discovered it was not for me either. But he was the first to leave, years before I gave it up.
Then something very magical happened. It was the day after I left my ex for the third and final time. I was in the process of moving my things into my new apartment.
When out of nowhere, his heart grew three sizes in one day! He sent me a text letting me know he was baptizing our son.
Out of nowhere. He had a sudden remarkable fascination with the church. And with getting our son involved in it.
He had developed this spontaneous fascination once before--when I had tried to leave him the previous time, 4 years earlier. It was an interesting phenomenon, sort of like seeing a shooting star in the sky.
His penitence was effervescent. It was every bishop's wet dream -- having a penitent father tell his sins in an effort to find Christ, and what's more, ask for direction and leadership in how to gain favor with the Lord. Wet. Dream.
They don't know this, but he was just using it as a way to "get back at me" because I had left him. He knew I didn't believe in him or the church anymore. Rumor has it he also did it to control the rearing of our child by bringing more influences into his life that alienated me further than I already was.
For me to go to court over this, and to try and prove intent to control and alienate would have been a large undertaking, and would have alienated my son from me even further, and likely ended up in a settlement that kicked the can down the road anyway. No judge in Utah was going to order that a child NOT get baptized when it was perfectly acceptable to do so. Ex would get a slap on the wrist at most.
I have had my fill dealing with this man, and his family, and the court system, and the church, and lies, and preposterous notions of control. So...I suck it up, for a weekend, and breathe through the casualty that is my son's ability to see truth at the moment. And hopefully, some day, he'll come to make the choice for himself from a more free-will standpoint, rather than a manipulated one, which is what I think has occurred today.
Besides, my son said he wanted this. He had never really been to church much in his life past age 5, but now he was going, making friends, enjoying the activities and the lessons, the music and the treats, and don't forget the attention. He wanted to go to church and be a part of it all. And what kid wouldn't?
I am pretty supportive of him at home. I let him know I'm proud of him for making a decision for himself, and I hope that he develops a relationship with god regardless of how, and knows what it feels like to be loved and feel guided. I gave him a nice gift I think he'll appreciate to remind him of his special day. And I tell him I love him. But beyond that--my scope is limited. I'm not allowed to teach him anything about what I know. And even if I tried, he wouldn't hear it anyway. So I keep it to myself.
But between you me, as a Medium, even I know God doesn't come in the same package for everyone. And there is a lot more to it than what we think there is.