I was a smoker for pretty much half my life. It all began in my early teens and I stuck to it thanks to puberty, hormones, rebellion, alcohol, girls and the little kick it gave me every morning. My consumption per day was quickly up to a whole pack per day and that stayed a constant until I moved on to tobacco and rolling cigarettes myself, which increased my input a bit, but not too much.

Now it is almost exactly half a year ago that I puffed my last cigarette and I feel confident enough about my new status as ex-smoker to tell the story about how I got so far.

Camel, my preferred cigarette brand

Failed attempts to quit

Over the years, there were several attempts to quit and they all failed. The longest period was 303 days of non-smoking in a row - which ended after a long night of poker with friends. One of them forgot his cheap(!) tobacco and I was drunk enough that my firewall was down, but still sober enough to roll myself a cigarette.

Not sure how it tasted, it must have been awful, but I remember it to be the best cigarette in my life.

During that 303 withdrawal, my body did anything to convince me of the advantages of smoking. I massively gained weight (some 50 kg) despite doing sports, I was moody all the time, I dropped plenty of cups and plates, I couldn't go out anymore, I lost several friends for various reasons and overall, everything was crappy and it kind of didn't get better.

Therefore it felt like a relief, when I finally went back to the coffin nails.

Before and after that big attempt, there were several other shorter attempts. Usually, they lasted about 3-6 weeks and I tried it about every other year. The result was always the same, which is why at one point a few years back I finally gave up on quitting. While most of my friends (I really had plenty) started quitting successfully one by one after realizing they are growing up, I started getting used to the thought to be a smoker the rest of my life.

And yeah, I also tried it with gums, patches, e-cigarettes and smoking pipe, none of which worked. Somehow, tobacco aka nicotine was like natural additive to my body. It made it better despite the downsides.

American Spirit blue, my favorite tobacco brand (also think: filter tips and papers, OCB blue.

Health stuff

My family history is basically one big warning sign when it comes to smoking. One of my grandfathers (mothers side) died of lung-cancer in his early 40s. He was a chain smoker and also the reason why my mom was always warning me about smoking and couldn't stop talking about the downsides. Strangely, that played a part of me becoming a smoker, because I thought the health hazards begin immediately - which is plainly wrong - and so when I tried it I ended up thinking "hm, that's less harmful than I had expected".

In the long-run of course, I was fully aware of the results of smoking and given the family history I knew, I was making a risky bet against me and the advancements of medicine.

Speaking of family history, apparently one of my great grandfathers died of lung-cancer in a young age as well, another great grandfather died of throat cancer (another usually cigarette - or cunnilingus - induced illness) before reaching the 50 and my other grandfather was a heavy drinker. He died of liver cirrhosis and he was in his early 40s as well. Interestingly, all of them were also soldiers in the World Wars (including the nasty parts in Verdun and Russia) which they survived without a scratch.

So, there is a bus load of genetic reasons for me to live like a Buddhist monk, but I try to ignore it for the most part.

Over the years tough, I did start feeling significantly less sporty and healthy. Of course I had the notorious cough and throw-off every day, which is so disgusting and common that should be on the health hazard warnings of cigarette packs. (The fact that this is being ignored by over health-overlords only shows that they have no idea about smoking.) And besides the cough I was out of breath quickly - and I did live in the 4th floor without an elevator for a long time, which was pure physical training - I didn't sleep well which normally gets better with leaving the sticks away and my blood circulation was not the best anymore. My feet were cold and my legs fell asleep sometimes.

Bottom line: I had plenty of rational reasons to quit.

That should be on cigarette packs along with the question: So, you like having that every morning?

The upsides of smoking

Yes, there are upsides and it is only fair to mention them. One is that nicotine at least in my case helped me to get no colds. Without smoking I catch them all the time and I see it as a miracle that I haven't had one yet this winter. In the winter during my 300+ days withdrawal for example I was sick four times! Those were some nasty weeks that I had to suffer through back then.

Another one is that smoking can be fun. For one, it is wrong that smoking has no "effect", it does, you feel a little dizzy, especially, when you smoke a cigarette that is too strong or you only rarely smoke. But it also perfectly corresponds with coffee and alcohol. There are plenty of "party smokers" and I do hate them, because I want to be one of them, too. They live the perfect life. I know it!

One reason why I can't be a party smoker is another upside of smoking: It alerts your body. It's not that it makes you awake like caffeine, but it does have a bit of an effect on your body. A bit like the shock on old cars. Smoking a cigarette in the morning is like jump-starting a car in the cold. Yes, maybe that has (also) to do with the withdrawal, but when you look at professions where everyone is smoking and the people can't quit, you usually have long hours, night shifts and weekend work involved. Hospitals for example. All nurses smoke and doctors who smoke can't quit. (I worked in a hospital, I know that for a fact.)

One attempt to quit smoking ended for me after taking a bus ride. As a smoker I didn't mind buses and I took them regularly while sitting relaxed on a seat. Then I quit for about two days and took a bus and I almost threw up inside: A penetrate smell of urine, sweat and vomit EVERYWERE! I thought I would die and left the bus after two stops to take the next one, but: The exact same! When I asked non-smoking friends about the issue they told me it's normal. That was quite a lesson to me. I never entered a bus since then (~5 years ago). The morals here is that a bad smelling is sometimes a blessing. For example, I also never smelled my urine and when I did after quitting I went to the doctor because I thought I was sick, because the urine had a strong smell. Nope, turns out that's normal.

What plays a role especially for women is that smoking kills your hunger and it increases your bowel movements. That's why in the good old days there were ash trays on toilets (so, you don't have to throw the butt into the toilet where it swims and doesn't drown..) and of course also, why ex-smokers gain weight. Some specialists only smoke to keep their weight in check.

Not sure about others, but at least I do like the smell of tobacco. Even as a child I remember to like smelling it. And I still do. My attitude towards ashtrays which haven't been emptied since days (but the rain pured in) has changed - I find them disgusting now - but overall, cigarettes still are some nicely smelling stuff. (There is a extremely expensive men's perfume that corresponds with cigarette smell, wow!)

Jessica Alba: The Beauty And The Fag - works better than every workout.

General downsides and relevant ones

Thanks to omnipresent anti-smoking campaigns I guess everyone knows about the downsides of smoking. Health hazards, smell, taste, being a menace to your non-smoking environment, the pointless waste of money bla bla bla you name it. That all is surely true and relevant. But with now six months of not smoking I have to say, there is another one:

Time.

Oh my god is smoking a waste of time! I never realized it, because it was so tightly and well fitted into my routines, but if you look at it, the case becomes very obvious. Assuming you are a real smoker with a 20-pack per day, you can surely smoke half of them while driving, waiting, reading or talking. That means, you don't have to break your activities just to smoke a cigarette. But the other 10? Each a five minute break plus walking to the smoke place and walking back. And even for the other 10 that you smoke while doing something else, you need an ashtray, you have to lighten them up etc.

While the 10 cigarettes that need extra time maybe steal 6 minutes from you, the doing-something-else 10 still need maybe an average of one minute of extra attention (just think of looking for the stuff in the wrong pocket followed by rolling one yourself). That comes down to 70 minutes per day - and it's not over yet!

At least sometimes, you also have to go to buy a pack or maybe just a new lighter (know that problem?) without having the need of buying something else. So, you go to the gas station just for that. Or you forget the cigarettes (or just the lighter; know that problem?) when going out and have to fetch it. And of course, sometimes the ashtray needs to be emptied and sometimes it empties itself by falling over and then you have to clean up the mess.

All that costs you precious life-time. And I tell you it is a lot. With a one pack per day pensum, you easily lose an hour and that is generous. It's more like 90 minutes every day. And even if you just smoke 10 a day or maybe even five, it still is well above half an hour and that every day, every week and every month no matter the weather, your mood or your health.

As a matter of fact, now with having the worst behind me I do have to say, that having more time with the side-effect of being more relaxed is by far the most significant difference to before - and it's worth it. Absolutely! If you don't believe me, write down the time you spend with smoking or with preparing or post-processing smoking.

It truly is unbelievably much time that you waste there.

mhmmm.. as you can see on the ones that are more brown, someone must have poured water on them. That usually results in an especially disgusting smell.

How I did it

I didn't give it too much of a chance when I more or less spontaneously decided to try it again and despite having given up on that.

The biggest withdrawal problems happen during the first 48 hours and the trick that I already knew from before was to go on a party on Friday and have lots of fun, drink a lot and smoke as much as is possible. The next day accordingly, you are incapacitated and not in the mood to do anything anyway and the day after that is for regeneration. This time, I did it exactly like that again.

After my quitting-party I expected the smoking desire trying to overwhelm me as it was normal in other attempts. I expected to get about 15 attacks per day which slowly goes down to maybe 5 per day after several weeks with occasional peaks for specific reasons, which were mostly the moment when I picked it up again.

But that has not happened this time. Instead I was very tired, incredibly tired actually and I slept more than 12 hours per day and needed additional naps during the day. I never experienced anything like that. Strangely, I almost never had the desire to smoke and if, then it was gone after a few minutes. All I wanted was sleeping.

This sleeping phase took about 6 weeks and from then on I gradually slept less while the desire to smoke didn't flame up. It was almost like I was sleeping out my nicotine addiction. Why this happened, I don't know. Maybe on an unconscious level, I just grew up and my unconsciousness decided to tackle the problem in this way. Who knows.

I'm not sure if it is possible to copy my approach as a method - the first 48 hour trick works well, but sleeping more after that is probably too character and situation depended. Maybe you can try and go to bed half and hour early and get up half an hour later plus take a nap during the day. That reduces the number of hours you could spend with smoking. Who know, perhaps it helps you.

Overall, I would say, quitting cigarettes is a highly individual matter, but in most cases, stress, sleep and systematic sleep deprivation are major factors.

My state of physical affairs, January 2018 (my hair is a bit darker and I don't have side-burns).

My situation and my outlook

I grew a long beard over the course of about a year which I shaved at the beginning of this year. This was a big mistake, because turns out, I have a huge double-chin. Half a year ago, my weight was a sporty 78 kg on 1.83m, but right now I am at 122 kg and didn't grow a millimeter in height. I only grew in neck size - and probably even worse - in belly equator. I have now a wobbly fold of fat hanging over my pants. It's disgusting and I hope, I can get rid of it again in the next phase.

Also, while never having any libido issues before, right now my sex drive is almost zero and it feels like I'm impotent. That's surely something I will have to address and it is quite strange, but my weight and my weight-induced sexlessness are pretty much the only problems I experience.

In the next phase I intend to fix that. The first phase was and still is quitting to smoke which I defined as one year of non-smoking. After that comes phase two with one year of working down the weight again. Finally comes phase three in which I will stay fit while also staying away from cigarettes. If I get that far, I will call myself a non-smoker (again).

It's a long way to go, but I am confident that I won't go back to smoking any time soon. Just a few days ago I went through another forgot-cheap-tobacco situation while being drunk and I survived it without any hesitation.

That is quite a sign for me. My outlook therefore is positive.

I hope this was inspirational for you. What do you think about smoking? Did you already quit? What was you trick? Let me know in the comments!

image sources: Spiegel,Happyspeedy,Wikipedia,Tumblr,Nordpool Media,Sickchirpse