Rating: 2/5
AKA: Waiting on Test Results in the ER
Watch Here:
“No, it will just take a couple of minutes”
Where to start?
Welcome to COVID Country BITCH!!!
Just Kidding!
But I mean, I bet some folks will be jacking off about this movie, not to Barbi Benton mind you; but to this decked out killer!
I mean no shit, this guy is protected head to toe like a true flu-fighter or common pleb circa 2021.
Getting back to Barbi, we always jive on how the women of yesteryear looked like real women. However, it should be noted that with ol’ Barbs, you can tell she had a lot of work done.
I forgot how every chick that was considered a sex symbol or “cute” had that same nose job back in the day. I’m sure she had some breast work done too but forget all that noise for a moment.
Oh yeah, there’s a movie here!
Film opens with a flashback beginning in 1961, at SUSANS HOUSE! 0_0
Susan and her young pal are celebrating Valentine’s Day by pretending to be a train conductor’s on the SimpExpress. Unbeknownst to them, another young child Harold, watches from a window.
Harold has a crush on Susan and does a ding dong ditch dropping a Valentine’s Day card by her door.
Susan’s little buddy and her both laugh as the card gets crumpled up and tossed aside like discs in a Walmart DVD bin.
Apparently, this is enough to set Harold off to commit a Spergality on the young boy and hang his dead ass on a hat rack.
Fast forward 19 years, Susan (whose surname is Jeremy!!?!?!?) is a divorcee with a young daughter of her own and is dating some goofball while her ex-husband sulks.
Anyway, she’s got a promotion and gets the luxury of moving into a new health insurance policy but needs her latest check up results from the hospital.
The first hour or so of the movie really treats us to the joys what its like to waiting in the hospital. It fucking sucks we already knew that, but hey lets make a whole fucking movie about it.
Aside from being annoyed at waiting on her test results, Susan is constantly leered at by creepy dudes. Living in the modern era of stupidity, it’s hard to say why this was an ongoing focus within the movie.
One might say to add tension because typically in the old days, hospitals were quite scary. This is supported by the various elderly and sick folks Susan runs into throughout the film.
Conversely it could be a commentary on shitty men. Susan is portrayed as strong independent woman. She is a divorcee and is getting a promotion, so one would think she’s a go getter.
Thats crap brothers! She got plastic surgery on her ex-husbands dime, and is doing God knows what, with God knows who, to get to the top.
How am I sure? It took her over an hour in this movie (I think) before she realized stairs were an alternative to the elevator.
I mean it certainly fucking felt like an hour. I aint trying to watch this again.
Just check it out, you’ll see what I mean, she’s practically useless.
FUCK IT IVE HAD A ROUGH DAY OF WORK SO WERE GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE
I work for a FINTECH company that’s useless as shit. We fuck up stuff all the time, and then we delay patches to fix the shit we fuck up because were incompetent, we could fuck up making ice water. FUCK IT,
I’m fucking at my wits end with these fucks. Too scared to talk to clients, too lazy to fix the problems that make clients bitch. Fuck em.
BACK TO THE MOVIE
Wait what? Oh yeah, this shit. It’s not very good. The killer is pretty funny, but that’s about it. The soundtrack is actually pretty interesting. Normally when we say that, it means there’s good tunes here.
They really fucked this up too.
Its like a cross between the soundtracks from The Omen, and the original few Friday the 13th movies. Works like you would expect….like trying to get high from huffing urine out of a milk jug. DONT TRY THAT EITHER.
Final Word –
MRHELLBOX – Ya know what? Fuck it!
I was going to give this piece of shit a 2/5, but work has driven me to the absolute edge. I am going to fucking quit this mother fucker and go sling fucking tacos for a godamn living! I don’t give a fuck I hope they all fucking get fired!!!!! – 1/5 for the goofy plastic surgery bitches movie!
DRUNKEN MASTER – Woah champ…calm the fuck down. It was aight. That 80s hair was on point – 2/5
PRINCE PECTORALS – See this outburst from our “Leader” is what happens when you get fat and suck down the estrogen…cool your jets bitch. Movie was fucking funny and fuck you!! - 3/5