Talk to enough people, and you’re going to hear someone talk about trauma. Either their trauma, somebody else’s trauma, or their dog's trauma, they’re gonna be talking about trauma. One thing I have noticed as I’ve heard, experts talk about trauma, is that they fail to see what trauma actually is. Trauma is a thought.
The reason I am bringing up trauma, and why the world gets it wrong is because when I start hearing experts, all talking about the same topic, over and over and over again my ears per cup, and I listen to what they say and try to interpret what they mean. One thing I keep hearing people talk about with trauma doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. They talk about emotional trauma, generational, trauma, and things along those lines. They have incorporated a term for bodily harm and are trying to shoehorn it into equating emotional damage. It sounds nice. It even sounds meaningful except for the fact that it doesn’t mean anything.
The Definition
So let’s start off with what trauma means
noun
- a deeply distressing or disturbing experience."a personal trauma like the death of a child"
- physical injury. "rupture of the diaphragm caused by blunt trauma"
The first definition is what we’re going to be looking at, while the second definition is the real definition.
The reason why I have such an issue with the word itself is because when you hear trauma you think the second definition and so when it’s being applied to the first definition, it opens up. Oh, you’re really, really hurt and you get to play the victim. The first definition also Tries to reinforce that your emotions just happened to you. You go through life and random emotions just happen so if you have emotional trauma that’s saying that you can’t help but feel sad feel depressed because your mom or your dad didn’t hug you enough.
Trauma Isn’t Permanent
This brings us to the first thing that trauma is not. What the world gets wrong about trauma is that it’s not permanent. It doesn’t have scar tissue though the definition of trauma would bring in the idea that you have scar tissue forming on your emotional gland. This is the farthest thing from what trauma is and what emotions are.
Emotions are nothing more than vibrations. We feel throughout our body. Some people may want to equate them to chemical releases, but the best way to describe them in my terms is it’s a vibration felt because of a thought. A vibration cannot have scar tissue. It can’t be torn apart. It cannot be smashed, squashed, or have any damage done to it. It also can’t damage you.
It Doesn’t Mean You’re Damaged Goods
With that being the case, this is some good news because you aren’t damaged. You’re not broken. Even if you did have abuse in your life, you can step. You can look at that tumultuous time and view it as an actual gift. Because you now have skills that other people don’t have.
Now many people want to try to put a Band-Aid over their emotional hurt. This extends the pain that you feel from it. You actually can be released from any beliefs that you aren’t normal.
That doesn’t mean you are forever a victim
Trauma Is Not Emotional
The other problem with the term for trauma is that they want to make the term associated with emotions, and this isn’t an emotional thing you don’t feel trauma, may feel traumatized, but you don’t feel trauma. the emotions generated from the thoughts that you have about the circumstance centered around the perceived trauma.
Trauma is Not Necessarily Bad
No, the event, the circumstances that you experience can be quite ripping yet you also can grow and become a better person because of that experience. You can be in an abusive relationship and come out on the other side, better equipped to know what to look for. Some people would call that trauma and that the fact that you’re looking for better spouses, who aren’t going to throw ashtrays at your head because you didn’t let them have their way is a good skill to have to know how to Discern from a good person, and a bad person helps you become better.
It’s not a gene that can be passed down from generation to generation.
One of the big reasons that I am calling out how mental health experts and coaches alike are using trauma is because so many of them talk about things like generational trauma. Like a trauma so bad that it alters the genes in your body so that you and your offspring suffer from that event. Now I would agree if you lived in Pripyat Ukraine, when Chernobyl blew up. Or you were the generation of Japanese that lived in Nagasaki however, that's a small number of people compared to the 8 billion that are on earth right now. To say that trauma is generational is not possible. Some would want to say that my ancestors who went through the Dust Bowl suffered from generational/environmental trauma because I now store my cups upside down in the cupboard. When in reality no we just do it that way. We haven't applied any thought to why.
It is interesting to think that something you were involved with would somehow still hurt you. That is why generational trauma is such a ludicrous idea. I see it as an easy way out. Instead of asking yourself why.
Trauma is a thought
When you put trauma into the model you have the event. That would be your circumstance.
C = Your mom didn't buy you a cake for your birthday when you were 12 years old.
What we made that event mean is the "Trauma" that the mental health experts are trying to throw on you. What do you make that event mean?
- That your mom doesn't love you
- Women can't be trusted.
- Birthdays aren't important
- You aren't important
- You didn't do what your mom said
- Your mom is a hard worker because she was working on your birthday.
- You are Unlovable
So you choose what thoughts you have about your trauma. In other words...
T = I am Unlovable
Each of those are just thoughts. They aren't right. They aren't wrong. these thoughts are just thoughts that you had. So your thought about how your mom didn't give your birthday cake or make a big celebration on your 12th birthday is why you have the next part of the model the Feelings
Now you have to look and see what feeling you have when you have that thought.
- Anger
- sad
- determined
- afraid
- alone
- hopeless
- apprehensive
- worried
- jittery
- peeved
- annoyed
- irritated
- forgotten
Your feeling could be any of these all you have to do is choose which one you typically feel and then plug it into the F-line
F= apprehensive
When you feel apprehensive the next part of the model is your Action line. So what do you do when you're feeling apprehensive?
- Withdraw
- Make snide remarks
- cry
- Get angry
- complain
Again you choose the action that feels most likely what you would do.
A= Withdraw
Finally, your Results line is up and that is what happens when you think you are unloveable, and with the action you put in shows the result to point back to your thought.
If you are unloveable you withdraw and so you deny yourself the connection you want to have.
Now this is a very long way to show why trauma is a thought. It isn't permanent. That is because if emotional generational trauma was real then when that happened it would be the same for everybody. Yet One person can see Their mom not buying them a birthday cake on their 12th birthday and see it as they are unlovable and another person can see it as oh my mom is caring enough to work to keep a roof over my head.
Even the common trauma of dad baggage is just a thought. Yet somehow us dads have screwed up so many kids' lives and made them great at the same time. How can that be two opposite results? because it all depends on how you think of the circumstances. Your thoughts created your results.
The full model is
C = Your mom didn't buy you a cake for your birthday when you were 12 years old.
T = I am Unlovable
F= apprehensive
A= Withdraw
R= you deny yourself the connection you want to have
So mental health experts would say that the trauma of your mom buying you a birthday cake is why you have trust issues. When in reality you are getting in your own way with unintentional thoughts.
Trauma is what you make it mean
So what do you make that traumatic event in your life that kept you from being the greatest man in the world? Why do you believe that is the cause of all your suffering? What if you changed the thought that you have to something that is more energetic and less plodding? What if you saw that your dad was a man who was trying his damnest but just couldn't rise to your lofty aspirations as to what a dad should be? Does that make him a bad man or was he just human trying his best?
Why Trauma won’t hurt you
You see in the Feelings line, that is where the perceived pain is coming from. We want to think that it is from our mom but it actually is just from our thoughts. Our thoughts create a vibration in our body that vibration can't hurt us any more than the thought can. You will find yourself dwelling on the thoughts if you are unintentional in your thinking but your problems aren't because of something that happened back when you were 12.
Circumstances are subjective
Because the root of our problems is not the circumstance. Our suffering is based on our thoughts about that circumstance. That makes trauma a thought, and thoughts are circumstantial.
For Example, if I took a sledgehammer to your hand, we know the type of damage that is going to happen. we are going to have a squashed hand with broken bones and blood and all the gore. If I take that very same sledge and apply the same force to a different person's hand we will get pretty much the same results of a squashed hand.
One person is going to have vastly different thoughts about the similar events. So if we take the two smashed hands from earlier both people will have vastly different thoughts about the event of having their hand bashed. One may fall into a deep depression. While the other person just accepts it and leads a tremendous life. These two will even approach the healing of their hand differently. One may even get full use of their hand back and the other forever cradles their hand and claims it will never work right. The results are again based on their thoughts.
The traumatic event is very subjective. Because one person will play the victim and the other person will just fold the event into their experience and go with it.
What is holding you back from your dreams and aspirations? Maybe this is something I can help with, if so take the next step.
Posted from my blog with Exxp : https://www.relaxedmale.com/what-the-world-gets-wrong-about-trauma/