What is the weirdest reason teachers have heard for a student being absent?
老师听过的学生旷课最奇葩的理由是什么？
Shall I nominate my earliest lie for this?
我能分享一下我第一个旷课理由吗？
Sleeping in classroom and getting caught for that, was my routine when I was 3–5 years old. Then one day I was on leave and the next day my teacher asked me for the reason. Then, with utter helplessness, I gave this excuse.
在教室睡觉被抓是我3-5岁时的常事。后来有一天我一天没上学，第二天老师问我原因。在超级无助的情况下，我编了这个理由。
Me: “I was sleeping Ma'am”.
我：“我在睡觉，老师。”
Teacher: “Sleeping for one whole day?”
老师：“睡一整天？”
Me: “Yes ma'am my mom never allows me to sleep at night. That's why I sleep often during class.”
我：“是的，老师，我妈妈从来不让我晚上睡觉，所以我才经常上课睡觉。”
Teacher: “But why would she not allow?”
老师：“你妈妈为什么不让你睡觉呢？”
Me: “We are preparing for the final exams”.
我：“我们在准备期末考试。”
My teacher called my mom up and said she almost believed in my lie because of the innocence she felt, until she heard a kindergarten kid was preparing sleeplessly for the final exams, that comes after 6 months.
老师把我妈妈叫来，说因为她觉得我太单纯了，所以一开始差点就相信我的谎言了，直到后来听一个幼儿园小朋友说不睡觉在准备6个月以后的期末考试她就不信了。
My mom calls me a born liar since then.
从那以后妈妈说我是天生的谎言家。
His pet skunk died.
他的宠物臭鼬死了。
A student came into class one day and explained to the teacher that they were absent from school the day before because they were mourning the death of their pet skunk.
一个学生一天走进班级跟老师解释说他们前一天没来是为宠物臭鼬哀悼。
At first the teacher didn’t believe them, but then the kid’s parents filled in the details. The new housecleaner had accidentally used a cleaning product toxic to skunks, and this student was, in fact, so inconsolable that they didn’t return to school until the next day.
最初老师不信，但后来孩子的父母补充了一些细节。家里新来的清洁工无意中用了对臭鼬有毒的清洁产品，这个学生很伤心，哄不好了，所以第二天才来上学。
My weirdest reason for being late for a class was “The cat was on fire”.
我最奇葩的上课迟到理由是“猫着火了。”
!
I was listening to this CD while getting ready for class:
我准备去上课时正在听这张CD：
Next thing I know my roommate's wife is pounding on my bedroom door yelling “Help the cat is on fire and hiding under my bed”. My first thought was that she had heard what I was listening to and was joking but she was serious.
紧接着室友的妻子使劲拍我卧室门喊着“快来帮忙，猫着火了，正躲在床底下。”我的第一个想法是她听到我听的歌了是在开玩笑，可她却是认真的。
She had had a scented candle burning on the coffee table while she watched a movie and the cat had walked over it, setting his fur on fire. She had slapped him to put out the fire and he ran and hid under the bed still smoking. I crawled under and checked the fire was out but ended up leaving him there once I was sure he was OK. He had all his claws dug into the carpet, dead center under the queen sized bed.
她的咖啡桌上有一支点燃的有香味的蜡烛，她正在看电影，猫从蜡烛旁边走过时毛被点着了。她拍猫的毛想把火扑灭，猫就跑到床底下躲了起来，身上还冒着烟。我趴在床下检查火是否灭了，最后确认它没事，可它还是待在床下不出来。它的爪子挠进了地毯里，在双人床下面中间像死了一样。
The cat had thick enough fur he was unharmed even though the fur on his belly was frizzy and burned to little more than stubble. The whole apartment stunk of burnt hair for a week.
虽然它肚子上的毛是卷的并且烧的就剩茬了，但身上的毛够厚没受伤。整个公寓里一星期都充斥着毛发烧焦的味道。
The teacher wasn’t sure whether to believe me or not but he said it was original enough he didn’t care.
老师不确定是否该相信我，但他说这个理由原创性强，所以他不在乎