01
In the movie "Notting Hill", William, the owner of a small bookstore with a good personality, met the movie star Anna because of the chance.
Two people walked through the streets of Notting Hill at night and walked through a garden that looked a bit mysterious.
Anna asked William: Can we go in and see?
William shook his head: this is a private garden.
Anna asks: Are you always following the rules?
Finally, under Anna’s “encourage”, two people jumped into the garden and made a special romantic date.
When I saw this paragraph, what impressed me was William's character. Although he is a man, his temperament is docile, and he rarely does things that are not right in the eyes of the people, even if it is a small "missing" behavior in the middle of the night.
From the feelings, everyone is very easy to feel good about this type of people. In the movie, William is also especially for the lucky goddess, and finally married the beautiful Anna.
But in real life, this type of person may not be so lucky.
02
When they were young, they were legendary sensible, obedient, and well-behaved children. In the eyes of others, especially adults, they have many advantages:
Listening to the words of the parents, never provokes the wrong; the things that the parents commanded will be done very seriously; easy to meet, rarely temper; obey the rules, not chaos and so on.
In the eyes of parents, jealous and sensible children are the best proof of the success of tutoring, and it is a matter of gratification and glory.
But from the child's own point of view, I am afraid that it is not so happy.
Such children are afraid to express their true thoughts from an early age. They are sensible because they want to exchange parental approval and love by pleasing their parents.
03
Psychological research found that the more embarrassing a child, the easier it is to become confused after growing up, the more you can't find yourself.
The reason is that they are accustomed to meeting the needs of others, obtaining the recognized interpersonal relationship model of others, constantly suppressing their normal needs, ignoring their own feelings, and for a long time, under the principle of using the retreat, they will not do it. Know what you really need.
We often say that when you don't know how to go, listen to your inner voice and it will guide you.
But if you don't even know what you feel, you can hardly hear the true voice inside.
The result is that they do what others think is right, and there are very few things that they really want to do.
The background reply "forward" can get a classic word, remember to see _
04
In the relationship, the biggest problem they face is the lack of attractiveness.
A program has once conducted an interview and asked the girls what kind of boy is the least likely to catch a cold. The result with the highest vote rate is the kind of person who is very good to anyone and has no temper.
This result is not surprising. The first reason a person falls in love with another person is attraction. Attractive willing to be close, what kind of talent is more attractive?
Those who have their own unique personality are more attractive because they have something different from others, or something that others don't have, which makes people feel very attractive.
On the contrary, people who are too docile are somewhat stereotyped and lack some personality characteristics. "Men are not bad, women do not love." Although this sentence is extremely extreme, it is not completely unreasonable.
If you can understand the logic of interpersonal attraction, you will understand the rationality of this sentence.
05
In personal growth, the biggest problem they face is the inability to break through.
The well-regulated life has shaped them into a good person, but this kind of good is what everyone thinks is good, is it their own good?
Some people have described their feelings like this: I feel that my heart is like a desert, lifeless.
A person who lives entirely on a normal scale may experience many twists and turns, but no twists and turns may be a pity. The twists and turns create a person's pain, but also make a person a unique one.
Life needs to be subversive from time to time, and meet with others who are different.
06
A truly meaningful and valuable life requires us to do something "out of the box" from time to time.
On the psychological level, it is to break through the self.
Sometimes our so-called self is often not the true self, but the person around you, defined by society. For every independent person, there is no standard answer to life. If you have to say yes, that is the way you are going now. We don't need to define ourselves by others, we can only define ourselves.
The most important thing for people is to know what they want, not to satisfy others' eyes and requirements. As long as you do not harm the interests of others, and bravely try and try to make mistakes, it is really alive.
So, if one day you feel that you are different from others, it probably means that you are right!