写这篇文章之前，我考虑了好久，因为题材是我自己的亲身感受，所以略感沉重，就在敲键盘的刚才，我也在考虑到底要不要写这篇文章。
说起我的经历，我从小几乎可以说是集万千宠爱于一身，标准的独生子女待遇，家里人恨不得把你宠上天那样，别说小时候挨饿，几乎小时候天天是个营养过剩的小胖墩儿。
儿童期基本快乐无忧，青春期有过迷茫，有过彷徨，但也是循规蹈矩，按照正常路子来走的，该高考高考，该上大学上大学，因为毕竟还没赚钱嘛，所以依然受家里庇荫，衣食无忧。说到这里，我就心里好酸，我好想说我好想回到那个时候，自己无忧无虑自己自给自足的日子，逍遥自在，想去哪里去哪里，想买什么就买什么，想吃什么就吃什么的日子里！好，继续说，过了青春期，上了大学，大学里也体会了什么是恋爱，什么是伤感，什么是江湖险恶，但是就是没体会到到底什么才是真正的生活，所以说，可能由于小时候的关系，所以我从来都是生活上的白痴，体现在我不懂成人社会的一些潜规则，不懂成年人社会酒桌上的潜规则，不懂一些现在人们常说的那种老油条说的套路。
上班工作后，我得知了什么才是同事，什么才是领导，什么才是老板，什么才是潜规则，什么才是人情世故，原来不干活的人，靠着一张嘴会说好话，也是会混的风生水起的。
上班不久，阴差阳错，自己步入婚姻，转眼间，已经有了两个孩子，而且还是都是男孩子。
看到这里，你们肯定会冷眼旁观，甚至有的开始看笑话。
别人有条件，你有吗？也跟着凑热闹，生二胎。
可以这么说，我自从结婚后，完全就迷失了自己，没有了自己的主见，没有了自己的主心骨，没有了自己的心智，没有了自己的空间，没有了自己的思考，每天面对的问题，就是钱。
可以这么说，我现在就如同一个上了弦的陀螺，一刻不停的转，不能停，一旦停下，就会有连锁反应，会产生很恶劣的蝴蝶效应。
所以我每天很焦虑，每天很迷茫，每天一醒来，最先面对的就是，这个月我要赚多少钱才够，我下个月赚多少钱才够？孩子这个月需要买那个，下个月需要买那个？
还有孩子成长的很快，马上面临的也是求学问题，再往下我就不敢想象。
因为婚后，很多种因素交织在一起，我的工作一直不稳定，爱人也不理解，她有一种执念，就是嫁给你，就全是你的事儿，或者是全是你家的事儿了，你家里没做到位，就是不对，一辈子都不对。永远没有翻身的机会了。不管你这几年你的家里付出了多少金钱，多少时间，多少心血，都没用，只要一提起，永远是你家不对，你爸妈不对。
因为工作不稳定，我的收入也很不稳定，所以每月很紧张，但是我为了自己的自尊心，全都给她给家里，自己几乎一分不留，加上自己深知家里的不容易，自己爸妈年岁大了，有时候想看看孙子，爱人都不理解，就会发脾气，我的父母为了我，自己有病都不舍得花钱治病，什么好吃的都留给我，每月几乎把自己的棺材板都给我，而我的爱人，还不满意，天天恶意诋毁谩骂，我好几次都崩溃过，深夜里也痛哭过，但是没有用，你走那一步的话，你的孩子怎么办，不现实，最重要的还是要做男人该做的事情，那就是出去赶紧赚钱，只有靠钱，才能解决你的问题。
因为收入不稳定，为了自己的自尊，为了不让父母担心，我每个月赚到的钱，全都交给她，自己可以说每个月身无分文。真的很惨，我觉得你们是无法体会到的。我曾经为了她，自己兼职发传单洗车外加打零工，干杂活，洗碗还清了两年高利贷，但是一直都无法跟她讲出口的。而且也没有告诉我自己的家里人。
我家里人很不容易，我都三十岁了，我不仅帮不上家里忙，还每个月都要找我的爸妈要钱，我是会死的，心里真的在滴血，我在我最困难的时候，她都没有在乎过我，真的一点都没有关心，哪怕一点点关心和体贴都没有，从那以后，我就记住一点，什么人都靠不住的，什么人都帮不了你的，只有你自己，命运只能自己来扭转。
有时候，自己心里很委屈，但是又什么都不能说出口，这种心里你们也是无法体会到的。
尤其是你们没结婚的小孩子们。在这里要跟你们说，珍惜当下的好生活，尤其是婚前的生活，那是你们这辈子最幸福的日子，好好过每一天。还有，结婚，一定不要着急，千万别着急，把人了解好，把她或者他的家风了解好，这样才不会像印小天那样的结果。
今年，我虚岁三十一了，人人都说三十而立，我又立在了哪里呢？
我在空荡荡的办公室里，就自己无处可去的在加班，说是加班，也是在电脑前键盘上码字，兜里身无分文，回到所谓的家，也没有属于我的位置，没有我的饭菜，没有我的饮水，没有我的用水，没有的电源，没有的地位。。。我几乎可以说是一个没有“家”的三十岁的人。我每天最最恐惧的就是回家这件事，我现在还没有车，如果将来有了车，我觉得我会一直待在车里，也不会早早的回到“家”里。
我真的很焦虑。我现在身无分文，每天连五毛钱的馒头都买不起的人。
你们会问我你这样怎么活？我可以负责的跟你们说，我每天就是靠着偷偷拿我儿子的零食，烤馍片来果腹的，有的人会说了，那你这不还是有吃的么？不能说是挨饿啊？说这话的就是站着说话不腰疼，有本事你连续半年吃膜片，你试试？而且你每天只有两小袋，其余时间，全是挨饿，全是大口大口喝水，然后休息时间拼命睡觉，这样睡着了就不会饿了。
回到“家”里，你还要装作每天都很开心的样子，吃饱的样子。
真的很累。
我其实想，我的家，应该是那个让我放松的地方，而不是一看到门，就焦虑的“家”。
我每天为了转移挨饿的注意力，我会拼命看美食视频，大胃王视频，看的很过瘾，我知道有的人看了之后会越看越饿，但是很奇妙，我边看美食视频，边吃我每天仅仅一袋的膜片，竟然会有缓解。
还是那句话，改善生活，还是要靠自己。
真没有想到过，自己到了三十岁竟然会挨饿。
以下是英文翻译，如有翻译不周，请多包含
Before writing this article, I considered for a long time, because the theme is my own personal experience, so a little heavy, just typing the keyboard, I was also considering whether or not to write this article.
Speaking of my experiences, I’ve been able to say that I’ve grown up with thousands of children in my childhood. I use the standard one-child treatment. The family can’t wait to take you to the skies. Not to mention being hungry when I’m young, almost a kid who’s overburdened every day. .
The basic happiness of childhood is worry-free. There has been confusion in adolescence, and there have been mistakes, but it is also a matter of routines. Follow the normal path. The college entrance examination requires college students to go to college because they haven’t made money yet. Food and clothing worry-free. Here, I feel good sour heart, I really want to say I really want to go back to that time, their carefree self-sufficiency day, carefree, where you want to go, what to buy what to buy, want to Eat what to eat on the day! Well, continue to say that after adolescence, when I went to college, the university also experienced what it was to be in love, what it was to be sad, what is sinister, but it didn’t realize what really was in life, so it’s probably because of childhood. Therefore, I have always been an idiot in life, because I do not understand some unspoken rules in adult society. I do not understand the unspoken rules of adult social wine tables. I do not understand some of the old sticks that people often say Routine.
After work, I learned what is a colleague, what is the leadership, what is the boss, what is the unspoken rules, what is the human world, the original who do not work, relying on a mouth to speak, but also Will be mixed wind and water.
Soon after work, there was a misfortune and he entered marriage. In an instant, he already had two children and he was still a boy.
When you see this, you will definitely look on the sidelines, and some even start to watch jokes.
Others have conditions, do you have? Follow the joke, give birth to a second child.
It can be said that since I married, I completely lost myself, without my own opinions, without my own backbone, without my own mind, without my own space, without my own thinking, and the problems I face every day. It is money.
So to speak, I am now acting like a gnarled gyro. I can not stop when I stop, and when I stop I will have a chain reaction which will produce a very bad butterfly effect.
So I am very anxious every day. I am very confused every day. When I wake up every day, the first thing I face is, how much money will I have to earn this month? How much money will I earn next month? Children need to buy that month, and need to buy it next month?
There are children growing rapidly, is also facing the immediate problem of study, and then I would not imagine.
Because after marriage, many kinds of factors are intertwined, my job has been unstable, the lover does not understand, she has one obsession, that is, to marry you, it is all your thing, or is your home thing Child, your family didn't do it, it wasn't right, it wasn't right forever. Never have a chance to stand up. Regardless of how much money, time, and effort you have spent in your home over the past few years, it's no use. As long as you mention it, your family will always be wrong. Your parents are wrong.
Because of job insecurity, my income is also very unstable, so every month is very nervous, but I am for their own self-esteem, all give her home, I almost did not stay, with their own knowledge of the home is not easy, their own Mom and Dad are old, sometimes want to see grandchildren, lovers do not understand, will lose his temper, my parents for me, not willing to pay for their own illness, what delicious are left to me, every Almost all of my coffin plates were given to me. My lover was still not satisfied. She was maliciously defaming every day. I collapsed several times and cried late at night, but it was useless. If you take that step, yours It is unrealistic for children to do what they do. The most important thing is to do what men should do. It is to go out and make money quickly. Only rely on money to solve your problems.
Because of income instability, for their own self-esteem, in order to prevent parents from worrying, I make money every month, all to her, they can say that every month penniless. Really miserable, I think you can not understand. I once gave her a part-time leaflet for her, plus a part-time job, doing odd jobs, doing miscellaneous work, washing dishes and repaying usury for two years, but I was never able to tell her about exports. And did not tell my own family.
My family is not easy, I am thirty years old, and I not only help out at home busy, but also to find my parents every month for money, I will die, my heart is really bleeding, I When I was in the most difficult time, she did not care about me, I really did not care, even a little bit of caring and considerate, and since then, I remember that what people are unreliable, who help Can't you, only you, destiny can only be reversed by yourself.
Sometimes, my heart is very wronged, but I can't say anything about it. This kind of heart you can't understand.
Especially if you are not married to children. Here I would like to tell you that cherishing the good life of the moment, and especially the life before marriage, is the happiest day of your life. It is better than every day. In addition, marriage must not be anxious, do not worry, understand people well, to understand her or his family's style, so that it will not be like Xiaotiantian results.
This year, I was thirty-one year old. Everyone said that I was standing thirty. Where did I stand?
In an empty office, I went to work overtime where I had nowhere to go, saying that I was working overtime, and also typing on the keyboard in front of my computer. I had no money in my pocket and returned to the so-called home. Without my food, without my drinking water, without my water, no power, no status. . . I can almost say that I am a thirty-year-old without "home". I fear most every day is to go home this thing, I do not have a car, if there is a car in the future, I think I will always stay in the car, will not return to "home" early.
I am really anxious. I am now penniless, and I can't afford to buy five cents a day.
You will ask me how do you live? I can tell you in a responsible manner that every day I rely on secretly taking my son's snacks, baked slices to bear, some people will say, then you still have to eat it? Can not say starve? This is to stand up and say no pain, you have the ability to eat diaphragms for six consecutive months, you try? And you only have two sachets per day, the rest of the time, all starving, all the big mouth drink water, and then rest hard to sleep, so asleep will not be hungry.
When you return to "home," you must pretend to be very happy every day and eat well.
really tired.
I actually think, my home, should be the place for me to relax, not an "anxious home" as soon as I saw the door.
Every day I want to divert the attention of starving, I will desperately look at food video, food video, look very enjoyable, I know some people will look more hungry after reading, but it is wonderful, I watch food video When I eat just a bag of the diaphragm every day, there will be even relief.
Still, to improve your life, you must rely on yourself.
Really never thought that he would starve at the age of thirty.