In Memory of Samuel

I believe in love. I believe it's the most powerful force on our beautiful Earth. I believe that when love is shared, lives are changed.

I discovered this due to, what was at the time, the biggest tragedy I had ever faced....I lost my son. You see, seventeen years ago this month, Samuel was born with Gastroschisis. And after forty days of fighting, he could fight no more and our Creator took him away.

While in a whirlwind of anger and depression and lost in any understanding of how these things happen to anyone so innocent, my son, not me. I found myself wandering the hospital halls. At some point I ended up in the gift shop and went to the books trying to find something to fill my mind and get me away from the now dark places there. I walked to the bookshelf and went to the first book that drew my attention. "Where is Good When it Hurts?". Oh, this oughta be good, I thought to myself sarcastically. (At this point in my life I had little understanding of our creator other then, if there is a God, he had either caused this or allowed it to happen....And I was mad.) As I opened the book and began to read it, I was fully expecting to dismiss it as garbage. However when I heard a voice from behind me asking if I could use any help, I was so engrossed in the book I finished the page I was on before answering. But before I answered I attempted to look and see what page I was on.

It was then I realized two things. One, I had been crying and could barely make out the page number. Then secondly once I rubbed my eyes clear, I realized I had read over 40 pages. As I turned to her, I slowly responded, "No I'm okay." Feeling a little awkward and having no money, I placed the book back on the shelf and attempted to leave. She then told me I was forgetting my book. I told her that I couldn't afford it and that I was just reading it to kill time. She replied, "that's not the kind of book you read to just kill time." She reached up to where I had just returned the book and grabbed it. She softly handed the book back to me and told me, "this" book was made to be with you." As she said this she wrapped me in an embrace that was as full of love as a mother's hug. She said she would pay for the book and told me I was more then welcome to sit in her chair and read it if I'd like. I, however did truly have to go. I thanked her for her generosity and made my way out of the hospital.

I've read that book now, three or four times. It's a good one. However, it was her, that nameless Angel that was willing to share her love with me, that truly showed me where God is when it hurts....he's everywhere. He's in each one of us, regardless of who or what you want to call him. He is Love.

This series of events changed my life. It has taken me years to fully understand love and it's power. In the years since I spend every day trying to better people's lives with love. It's normally in the smallest ways but sometimes I am given opportunities to help in bigger ways. I was a automotive diagnostician for twenty years so I do a lot of help for people by helping repair their cars for free. My next door neighbor also has a non profit organization for clothing and housing people that I help with.

But what I like to do the most is, what the sweet lady did for me. Take a couple seconds of my day for all the people I meet. I offer compliments to any passer by. I genuinely engage people so they know I care. And when I notice someone who appears sad or that the day or life is just beating them up, I stop. I give them my full me. I let them know they ARE special. That there are people who love them. That their life matters. I take time and give them my love, unconditionally. I know to some this may not qualify as a hobby, but it's my favorite thing to do. To see the faces of people light up from something as simple as someone just showing them love. I've been late to work, school, and more, do to my hobby. Because in my eyes each and every person on this planet is a beautiful unique creation that deserves to feel love and that is more important than any job, school or other worldly distractions. The looks on people's faces and the potential positive life changes are more then worth it.

And this is that exact book. Still have it to this day. Granted it's had a hard life. Mainly one dog and one boy who have gotten ahold of it. That is one of Evans first attempt at writing his name when he was three.