Ok, not sure if this is my mid-life crisis or not. I am 43 years old and just realized I don't have a favorite color and am starting to question what other things I don't know about myself!
So, how can a person get to 43 years old and not realize they don't have a favorite color? The discovery was made last week when my family was having the following discussion.....
Wife: (to children) What is your favorite color kids?
Son: My favorite color is green but my second favorite is blue.
(the rest of children chime in with their favorite colors with some even getting down to third and fourth favorite as does my wife)
Me (thinking to myself): "What is my favorite color? I've always said red but when I think about it, I don't really care for that color. So what is my favorite color?"
If they knew I didn't have a favorite color would they laugh at me and think I'm a freak? Would they leave me and find another Father who has a cool favorite color like blue, green or even black? I had to keep it together and not let on that I had no clue what colors I liked...thankfully they never asked.
(PS, I'm a Republican but that meme's just dern funny!)
I spent the rest of that day trying to figure out why I didn't know what my favorite color was. I was hit with an old memory from when I was back in junior HS and was dealing with the same issue. People would always ask me my favorite color so I remember picking "red" just so I'd have an answer. Knowing me I probably didn't want to pick the typical boy color of blue because someone may call my bluff. I also most likely wanted to pick something most people didn't say (cause that's how I roll) so I picked red. And just repeated it though the years. I wonder how many new employee orientations I sat though where I was asked that question and repeated the same lie. "Hi, I'm Daniel and my favorite color is red." Why do they even ask that question? Do they honestly think they'll remember or know people better because they know their favorite color? Ok, so there's 22 'blues' in the room, wow how we've bonded! Why would they make me lie like that? I could tell the truth but it's supposed to be a 5 second round the room discussion, not a 2 min. explanation of how I don't have a favorite color. Could you see the eye's roll if I started with, "Hi, my name is Daniel and I don't know what my favorite color is. I'm not sure if I have one but have always said red because........" Nope, not going to be that person so I repeated the lie..... "My favorite color is red." Can a person go to hell about lying about their favorite color? How many times have I told that lie in my lifetime? So many times I didn't even know it was a lie! Oh, the horror of it all!
I spent the next couple of days after the family ordeal trying to figure out what my favorite color is. Being analytical I first asked, "what does it mean to have a 'favorite color'? What color car do I like? Well...that doesn't work because I like black cars but I can't say that's my favorite color. Is black even a color or is it the absence of color? I like some color cloths on me but different color cloths on my wife...and...I'm so confused!! I finally concluded that my favorite color would have to be defined by 'what color to I prefer to look at in just a plan square block'.
Ok, now that I have a definition, what is my favorite color? I still don't know!!!!! Been thinking about it since then and really don't have a preference. What does that say about me? Am I a sociopath? Maybe I'm a cross-dresser and don't really know it either, after all I've never really tried on women's clothing? ....noooooooo, must unthink that, can't go there!
So, what's thrown me into full panic mode today? This morning my 7 year old asked me the dreaded question again, 'Daddy, what's your favorite color?" What are the chances of that? It's like God spoke though my 7 year old saying, "YOU MUST CHOOSE"! Ok, it's time to come out. Surely an innocent 7 year old would understand. She wouldn't judge me. We also homeschool her so she may not even know it's weird to not have a favorite color. So, here it comes, I can feel the repressed truth of 40 years working it's way up through my stomach, up my throat and ......
Me: (gulp) I don't have a favorite color Pumpkin.
Daughter: Hahahahahaha...how can you not have a favorite color Daddy, that's weird!
(ok, I may have added the "that's weird" part but even if she didn't say it I can read between the lines)
So there it is. I'm putting it all out there. I'm ready to scream it from the top of the highest mountain....I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE COLOR! I'll try to check back with you all in a few months and let you know how admitting that I don't have a favorite color has affected my life.
**If you don't have a favorite color either I'd love to hear about your experiences to encourage me. I really need it right now.
PS. I let my kids read this blog before I posted it and as I was proof reading my 7 year old came back into the room and we had the following exchange:
Daughter (while stroking my hair): It's ok Daddy. It's ok that you don't have a favorite color. Maybe you like Orange, or Red or Purple or......
Me (slamming my fist on the table): QUIT PRESSURING ME!! I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE COLOR!!!!