So, I finally found happiness. I found it a little while ago actually, but lost it shortly after. This brief encounter happened a few times, and made me realise that for the moment, I might still be struggling to just ‘be happy,’ so for now I must set out each day with the intention of rediscovering it. Most days I succeed and go to bed content. Some days I struggle, but over time I have found cheats to get me through those days. Some days I fail entirely. Here I will share with you three of the tools I have found to be the most useful in my hunt:
1.Keeping a happiness diary
This idea came from the wonderful SARK, who writes gloriously colourful books for succulent wild women. A happiness diary is exactly what it sounds like; a diary where only happy things are written. I’m quite strict with mine in that I won’t write something down if it’s at all superficial. For example, you might get taken on a date which on paper is perfect, and you’re polite and you appreciate it and its fine… but for one reason or another, you’re not truly to the core happy. Maybe the lights are too bright or the music is a bit shit or you’re self conscious of your rushed eyeliner of your boyfriend keeps doing that thing you hate or you feel bad because you’d actually planned to dump him soon… or maybe you’re just not feeling it that day. In my book, that is not happiness diary worthy. This is mainly because I like to look back through the pages sometimes, and if I see something I’ve written in which is superficial, that I wrote in because on some level I felt I had to, then I am not getting what I need from my page flicking - the superficial entry will not bring up feelings of genuine happiness, but instead the feelings I had when I wrote it (obligation, fakery, self-deception, guilt). This is also bad for your happiness hunting because it will fuck with your goal. If every day you tell yourself things are making you happy, when really they aren’t, you will begin to wonder why you are not happy, while continuing with the very things which are leaving you empty. On the flip side of that, when you only ever write down the times you feel true true happiness, then the next time you feel that way, you will recognise it. In time you will begin to notice and differentiate between your true happiness and your superficial, obligatory, people pleasing happiness. This is very important and will come with practice. There is no point in beginning this hunt if you are not willing to be honest with yourself - self deception is a barricade to happiness.
Likewise, often things will happen which you may not feel are happiness diary worthy, because they’re ‘nothing’ things, but in reality, for one reason or another, they give you a feeling of real genuine pleasure. For example:
- The way someone says a certain word (I personally love ‘burfday’)
- A small mental block you over came that no one even knew about but you did it anyway (go you)
- How you slumped into bed and somehow upon landing your pillow just caught your head in such a perfect position and you just felt so supported and content and you’re mentally high fiving yourself right now for putting the fresh sheets on this morning because it was sooooo worth it.
…I call that happiness diary worthy.
On another note, I know we’re all adults here and what not, but I do think it’s worth considering keeping your diary secret. Sometimes things that make us happy might make other people unhappy. For example:
- Your mum lent you a tenner and then totally forgot about it, score
- The goosebumps you get when your boyfriend’s brother holds eye contact with you for an inappropriately long time
- The meat feast pizza you demolished that one hungover morning, despite spending the rest of your days telling people how easy it is to be vegan and really we should all do it, the planet is dying, the industry is corrupt, cow’s milk is for baby cows etc.
All happiness diary entry worthy, all bad news in the wrong hands.
2) Exercising!
Getting yourself out of breath, preferably to the point where you feel like you could cough up a lung. We’ve all heard this one before but I am one of those annoying people who swears by it. It is the only thing that touches my insomnia, it is the only thing which reliably lifts my spirits if I’m feeling anxious and/or depressed, and it is the only thing I have found to make me feel genuinely good about my body and it’s capabilities. If you hate exercise, I’m not sure what to recommend other than trying it in different forms. I tried all sorts and couldn’t stick to anything, and then I tried crossfit and now I’m addicted, I go five times a week and every single time I come out of it feeling better than I had when I went in. It’s not just the endorphin boost and the science and whatever that makes us feel good after exercise though. It’s also the logical process of it - we can look at what we have achieved, how we have improved, what we can aim to improve. In the mean time, your body changes and you begin to notice it, but you also begin to value it for what it’s capable of, and not purely on its appearance, giving you a huge confidence boost. As if all that isn’t enough, exercise can also be a social activity - we do it with other people and in supporting them and them supporting us, we make connections, friends, inside jokes, and we open the door to other social events because often when your legs don’t work after a million squats, the only sensible option is to crawl to the pub together and discuss how safe driving home is gonna be when you can’t physically push the clutch down (and now you’ve had gin).
3) Writing lists
When I’m having one of those ‘what’s the point’ days where I wake up in the morning and can’t actually imagine myself getting out of bed, I tend to write a list. It doesn’t have to be a ‘To Do’ list - it could be a ‘To Don’t’ list or even a ‘done’ list. Ideally though, it would have a positive drive. In this way I often find a point to my ‘whats the point’ day. Here are some examples of lists I have before listed:
- A lists list (like this one)
- A list of movies I STILL haven’t watched
- A shopping list
- A list of stuff I’m great at
- A bucket list
- A list of useless but satisfying facts
- A goals list, short or long term
- A list of important dates
- A ‘things I am grateful for’ list
- A wish list
In the list writing process, I often feel a spark; something I’m then driven to do, or think about or feel. Often, because of the nature of the lists, it is a good thing to do/think about/feel. That spark is ‘the point’ and so my day begins.
These are my three favourite tools. What are yours? Sharing is caring <3