Its 2018 and the United States Government has shut down. So what is going to happen now? Well, I am here to let you know..
I am officially declaring myself King. Let's be real honest, this country needs a good strong monarch to lead them, instead of a 5 year old who leaves ridiculous greeting messages on the White House voicemail or sleeps with Cheeseburgers.
So what will happen under King Ron The First?
MARAJUANA WILL BE LEGAL
The fact that it's not already is kind of idiotic. I won't get into the medicinal values of weed because its been addressed enough. But think about the financial windfall that we will enjoy by taxing the purchase of Mary Jane. All the people who have never done it because of the horrible ramifications of enjoying pot can now walk into a pot shop and buy some edibles and chill out. The entire country smoking pot. Imagine how relaxed we will all be. And Jeff Sessions? Why he will be a stock boy in a weed shop. Don't forget your apron, Jeffy!
PROSTITUTION WILL BE LEGAL
The world's oldest profession will be on the books. Legal as all hell. Now you won't have to travel to Nevada to enjoy a party. Yes, taxes will come into play and there will be another massive amount of money coming in from it, but there are other advantages to legalizing prostitution. It will be a lot safer. There will be houses set up where women can go if they so choose and there will be security and someone who heads the house to handle all the arrangements, much like they do in Nevada. The Moonlite Bunny Ranch will be a model for the entire country.
Women will be checked once a month to make sure everything is on the up and up and people won't have to put on a hat and glasses and try to hide their identity when they go into a brothel. It's all win/win!
NO CELEBRITIES IN OFFICE
Now I know I can't run everything on my own. I am going to need help. But I promise you that there will be NO celebrities just running for office. If you want to be a part of my new government, you have to have some kind of experience in a smaller political office. Like mayor, or state senator. You will NOT be allowed to just run for a higher office in this country without experience. That's how cheeseburgers get eaten in bed.
WHERE THE MONEY WILL GO
You are probably asking yourself, King Ron, where will all these massive amount of tax dollars go that you collect from weed and prostitution? Why the only logical place. Universal Healthcare. No person in this country deserves to go broke because of an illness. No person in this country deserves to NOT have decent health care to cover them. The people who make millions of dollars will have access to the same health care that someone who flips burgers at a McDonalds is getting. We don't deserve to not be taken care of. It's a right not a privilege.
THE REALITY OF IT
Deep down I am sure there are people who will read this and agree 100% with what Im saying. Then Im sure there are those who won't. I understand that. But until we realize that we have to live in this country together, and that we need a leader who won't act like a child when things don't go their way, we will all suffer. Plain and simple.