This is Part deux of Dating, From a Strictly Extra-terrestrial Point of View
...
You sit by the bar, and barely a few minutes later a truly beautiful woman comes close to order a drink. The muscles of your face betray you letting a tiny smirk escape. You know it's time.
OK then, let’s do this thing!
But Here's the thing that you didn't see coming.
Just when you stand up to go talk to her, the strangest thing happens. You feel that something is suddenly holding you back.
Oh crap!
You’re still standing up though you start questioning yourself, maybe she’s with someone, maybe I’m not wearing the right shirt, or maybe she’s not into dudes?
Now it would be a good time to realize ,that thing holding you back was fear.
Maybe that’s why those guys were shouting from the rooftops, because it was safer, because they were trying to hide their insecurities.
You know what, maybe I need another drink before I start approaching women.
Then you take another one, then another.
All of the sudden, you feel more relaxed, more happy, you got beer muscles so to speak.
Time to practice those pick up lines you were hording.
You go to pee, and there’s a beautiful woman also waiting in line to hit the girls room. You keep staring at her and admiring the extremely sexy way she’s dancing.
Well, actually she’s not dancing, that was just the effects of alcohol. In reality, she’s just shaking cause she really needs to pee.
But you don’t think twice and you go talk to her:
“Are you wearing Space Jeans?”
“What??” She says to you.
"Because your ass is out of this world!"
The other girls in the line are in shock, the guys are laughing. And some guy taps your shoulder and tells you: “Dude, that was a terrible pick-up line”.
If before you were afraid, now you’re ashamed too. And none of the other lines work either, in fact they’re just making you more insecure.
Good thing that alcohol has some memory erasing qualities, and by memory I mean shame.
You notice another pretty girl by the bar, and you know just the right pick up line to use this time:
"Sorry, but you owe me a drink."
Why?
"Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine."
She did Not buy you a drink.
And then rest of lines all had the same result.
Are you African? Because you're a frican babe.
Did you fall from heaven? Cause you’re face is pretty messed-up.
Is your name Ariel? Because I think we mermaid for each other.
Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
Lesson number one:
Maybe it’s not the pick up line, maybe it’s you. Maybe if you would’ve just acted more like yourself, you would’ve been much better off.
You see, girls can see past these things, you are not gonna seduce them by pretending to be cheesy, in fact all they see is an insecure guy who tries to be like someone he is not.
It’s then and only then that you realize that the best thing you could wear is a smile and the best pick up line of all is: “Hello”.
And for god’s sake, relax. You’re just talking to a girl you’ll probably never see again, it’s not like you’re prepping for a medical exam.
Just go in with no expectations and try to make her have a good time, if something comes out of it then it’s beautiful, otherwise it’s a nice memory.
But whatever you do, do not compliment her on her space jeans.